18 silver linings for Canuck fans during the lockout

Where will these men go to drink beer and watch sports with hockey gone?

The optimist says that hockey still might start on time. After all, the soft deadline for hammering out a CBA before the owners lock the players out is September 15th, and that’s still 11 days away. Now, in the grand scheme of things, 11 days is such an inconsequential amount of time the British government didn’t bat an eyelash when they stole that many days from their citizens in switching from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar¬†exactly 260 years ago. But hey, a lot can happen in 11 days. You can watch soccer until you die, for instance.

Of course, hockey fans don’t want to watch soccer until they die. They want hockey, and putting aside the optimism for a moment, it doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing it for quite awhile. That sucks.

Still, returning to optimism, there are some positives. For instance, yesterday I pointed out that the odds of Shane Doan becoming a Vancouver Canuck become a little shorter the closer we loom to a lockout. And that’s just one. Here are several more:

1. It’ll be months before we hear a Team 1040 caller decry the Canucks’ lack of toughness for failing to go after a guy for a Sedin cheapshot.

2. It’ll be months before we hear a Team 1040 caller decry the Canucks’ lack of discipline for going after a guy for a Sedin cheapshot.

3. If the lockout lasts until January, that’s two Minnesota Wild games we won’t have to watch!

4. It’s basically impossible for people to complain about the 4pm start time of the Leafs game in December if it never starts.

5. Ryan Kesler will have more time to rest up before he comes back too soon.

6. Jason Garrison will likely set the all-time franchise record for most days between signing a big contract with the Canucks and being labelled a bust by fans.

7. The clamouring to trade Cory Schneider and give the starting job to Eddie Lack won’t begin until February at the earliest.

8. Advanced stats bloggers will finally be exposed for not even watching the games when they keep producing content at the same rate, unaware no games are taking place because their noses are buried in stacks of graph paper.

9. Zack Kassian will keep pace in production with Cody Hodgson for months.

10. The Sedins will likely finish the season with the fewest hooking and holding infractions in years.

11. David Booth will have plenty of time to get better at Twitter.

12. We can finally catch up on that first season of Grimm we’ve heard such good things about.

13. With no Mason Raymond to upset him, Blake Price might finally be able to get a good night’s sleep.

14. The last time there was a lockout, we got Eklund, so only good can come of this.

15. Manny Malhotra will probably still average close to his usual amount of offensive zone starts.

16. Alain Vigneault will save a fortune on lozenges and gum.

17. If the reaction to the last two Presidents’ trophies have taught me anything, it’s that people hate the regular-season anyway.

18. If Roberto Luongo’s still here, and it sure looks like he will be, this will probably be his best October ever as a Canuck.


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  1. DanD
    September 4, 2012

    19. Alex Burrows will have a sparkling reputation with referees.

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    • Abby
      September 4, 2012

      Yes this.

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  2. Nee
    September 4, 2012

    Edit: Where will men [and women] go to drink beer and watch sports with hockey gone?

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    • Harrison Mooney
      September 4, 2012

      Good edit. I meant those specific men in specific, too, not all men. How sexist of me.

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  3. John in Marpole
    September 5, 2012

    If there is a protracted lockout, Kassian will out-produce Hodgson, because Zack will be playing in Chicago and Cody will be sitting on his couch enjoying a big bowl of Skittles while watching the Toronto/Buffalo Bills.

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  4. Rituro
    September 5, 2012

    20. PITB’s anti-fantasy pool will feature an eighty-six-way tie for first place, resulting in some inventive and hilarious feats of strength and cunning to act as tiebreakers.

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  5. Smokey
    September 5, 2012

    They better get this sorted out before that December game against the Leafs, I have tickets, don’t wanna miss that one! Other than that, it looks like I’ll be saving money on beer this fall at least.

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