On October 13th, the streets of Vancouver will be filled with road hockey. Well, at least some streets. Many streets.
Road Hockey to Conquer Cancer will be holding a dawn-to-dusk road hockey marathon and Pass it to Bulis will be there. At least, we’ll be there if you are also there. Harrison and I are just two people and that’s not enough for a road hockey team. The thing is, PITB isn’t just us. PITB is all of you. We firmly believe that we have the best readers on the entire internet and it is a crying shame that we haven’t met more of you in person.
So now we want you to be on our road hockey team to play alongside us. Even if you can’t play road hockey with us, you can still be a part of our team by donating to the fight against cancer. And we have some special PITB-style incentives if you do.
In order to play road hockey on October 13th, you must be at least 16 and capable of making a $50 minimum donation towards Road Hockey to Conquer Cancer. Other than that, we have no requirements. It doesn’t matter if you are old or young, male or female, gay or straight, we want you on Team PITB. Heck, unlike the You Can Play project, you don’t even have to be able to play! You can be the worst road hockey player on the planet; we still want you on Team PITB.
The limit on team members is 12. With Harrison and I included, that means we have room for 10 more players. If you want to be one of those 10, please e-mail us at email@example.com and let us know who you are and why you should be on our team.
Maybe you are an incredible road hockey player who will help us dominate the competition. Maybe you have very rich parents who will help us raise a lot of money for cancer research. Maybe you’re just dying to meet Harrison and challenge him to a game of Scrabble. Or maybe what you’ll bring to the team is an infectious joie de vivre and a bright pink wig. Whatever it is you think you can bring to Team PITB, let us know, and we will give you instructions on how to become one of our team members.
Here’s what you get if you join the team. You will get a Road Hockey to Conquer Cancer jersey. Each team will play 5 games.There will be lots of celebrities there, including many former Canucks. If we raise enough money, one of those celebrities might even be on our team. There will be live music and arcade games, including bubble hockey and air hockey. Snacks and meals will be provided for those playing, as well.
So, for your $50 minimum donation, you’ll get a jersey, 5 road hockey games, the chance to meet one of your hockey heroes, food, music, and games. Hard to argue with that. Really, that’s worth more than $50, so if you want to donate more, please do!
If you just want to help us raise money, great! We need that too! If you hate cancer and like PITB, you can sponsor our team by visiting our team page at the Road Hockey to Conquer Cancer website and clicking “Sponsor Team.” It’s entirely possible that you, like us, are not rich. That’s okay: if you can spare even a small amount, it helps. If you can’t spare any money, then you can at least spare a little time to share our page on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, MySpace, Digg, Bebo, Friendster, or LiveJournal.
Now, in many ways, fighting cancer is incentive enough on it’s own. But since you are the best readers and commenters on the internet, we want to make it extra special for you. So, in the vein of crowdfunding websites like Kickstarter, we are offering certain incentives for donating. Since, as mentioned, we are not rich, these incentives have little to no cash value.
$25 – Team Player: We will officially announce on Twitter to our over 8,500 followers that you are awesome. If you include your own Twitter handle with your donation, we will recommend that our super-cool followers also follow you. We will do this for all levels of donation starting at $25.
$50 – Goal Scorer: We will extend our heartfelt thanks in a post on this blog, sure to be seen by thousands of people. In this post, we will be sure to say how much we love and appreciate you, so you can show your friends and family that you’re best buds with PITB.
$75 – Clutch Player: The exact same as the “Goal Scorer” incentive, except you’ll have the knowledge that you really are best buds with PITB, unlike those posers who just think they are.
$100 – All Star: We will write you a personalized poem. For an example of previous PITB poetry, see Daniel’s Worst Christmas. If you haven’t already read it, you are in for a treat. Your poem will likely be shorter.
$500 – Hall of Famer: We will write you a personalized song and record us playing it and post it on YouTube. And it will be a good song too! Harrison was the lyricist and lead singer for now-defunct funk band, Cinnamon Toast Funk. I have been in multiple bands, including The Neverknown, Hooray for Gooba!, and jacqueline/deepsearch. I currently write songs, sing vocals, and play guitars for Minnesota Nice. Also, I have a new camera, so it will look and sound better than “I Want A Girl Like Trevor Linden.”
$1000 – Honourary Captain: You will appear in an I Watched This Game in reference to something awesome. For instance, if the Sedins collaborate on a wizardous goal, we might say, “This goal was incredible, but not as incredible as Your Name, who is really, really incredible.” We’ll also write you a song and a poem, because, y’know, you’re awesome.
$1500 – Retired Number: What’s better than appearing in an IWTG? Appearing in the ongoing Canucks vs. Zombies saga. If you are unfamiliar with this ongoing story, catch up on Parts I, II, and III. It is silly, grotesque, and crazy. And you can be a part of it. We will write you into the story and, for good measure, we’ll also mention you in an IWTG, and write you a song and a poem. If this sounds like a lot of work for us, keep in mind that there’s likely to be a lockout to start the season. Also, it’s 1500 bucks.
$2000 – Legend: If you live within driving distance, we will make you dinner and watch a Canucks game with you, either at your place or one of ours. It will be like a live IWTG, which means you’ll get to hear all of the lame jokes that we come up with that don’t make it into our posts. We’ll even bring beer. On top of that, you’ll get an oddball piece of Canucks paraphernalia that has come into our possession and other gifts, because holy crap, you donated $2000. We’ll also get you into the Canucks vs. Zombies story, an IWTG, a song, and a poem.
$3000 – Wow: For one week during the season, we will change the name of the blog to “Pass it to Your Name.” The URL won’t change, but we will change our header images, Twitter profile picture, and all of our graphics to reflect how awesome you are. You’ll also get every single other incentive, obviously.
We’re flexible on some of these incentives. Basically, we want to give you something special on the blog in return for helping us raise money for cancer research. We already think you’re awesome since you’re reading PITB, so we’re motivated to help you out. Do you have a cool idea for something you’d like to see on the blog? Maybe we’ll start a new ongoing feature with the tag line “Sponsored by Your Name.” I don’t know. Get creative.
In order to receive any of these wonderful incentives, of course, you will need to provide your name when you donate. If you prefer to remain anonymous to the world at large, please send us an e-mail prior to making your anonymous donation, so we know who is making the donation. If you want to remain completely anonymous and do not wish to receive any incentives, you may absolutely do so, and we will think the world of you.
Please, help us fight cancer. Join Team PITB. Play road hockey. Spread the word.Tags: Cancer sucks, Road Hockey, Road Hockey to Conquer Cancer