Mark Messier is to Vancouver as Stefano DiMera is to the small town of Salem on Days of Our Lives. He’s a full-blown villain, not above kidnapping, brainwashing, and seducing our favourite characters to further his evil, evil schemes.
Or at least this is how Vancouverites picture him. Nevermind that Messier was actually named the Canucks’ MVP in 1999-2000 — the more time passes, the more we rue his playoff-free days in Vancouver. He’s become the worst thing imaginable, his heinousness matched only by his damnability. After all, we may have given him a trophy, but let’s talk about the stuff he took: Trevor Linden’s captaincy, Wayne Maki’s unretired 11, a buyout (putting him on par with Marc freaking Chouinard) and, this week, another cool $6 million from the Canucks. From the Vancouver Sun:
Mark Messier has been awarded a $6-million settlement in the Hall of Famer’s long-standing grievance over money he claimed he was owed by the Vancouver Canucks.
… It has been reported that Messier had a clause in his contract that would compensate him if the value of the Canuck franchise increased over the life of his contract, which expired in 2002.
That’s right, Canuck fans. If the local team signs Shane Doan, they’ll have paid $6 million to two aging, overrated veteran forwards this summer.
Obviously, Canuck fan outrage is palpable. Thinking about Messier boils the blood, and hearing that the team is somehow still paying him millions of dollars practically evaporates and sublimates it.
But since PITB is a blog of the people, we’d like to help you feel better, and as best as we can gather, what this city needs right now is to see Mark Messier get punched in the back of the head a bunch of times. Now, ideally, these punches would come from people we know and like (it’s happened, since Messier fought Alain Vigneault 1981 and Chicago Wolves’ head coach Scott Arniel in 1984), but that footage isn’t on Youtube. There is, however, this video of Messier getting worked by Marty “lesser of two evils” McSorley:
And this one.
And this video of a fight with Dennis Ververgaert, which is helpfully censored by a man in a baby blue sweater. Any time Messier lands punches, you instead see the back of the man’s head (which is preferable). But Ververgaert’s blows to the back of Messier’s head are visible. Thanks, nameless, blue-sweatered hockey fan!Tags: Messier Was a Jerk, silliness, The YouTubes