Jannik Hansen “could not be calmed down,” receives one-game suspension from IIHF

Jannik Hansen, powered by Dong Energy. Nope, nothing funny about that.

The middle of the summer is the last time an NHLer expects to receive supplementary discipline. But that didn’t stop Jannik Hansen, who received a one-game suspension from the International Ice Hockey Federation on Friday. It is yet further proof that Hansen is the Honninggrævling – the Danish Honey Badger – particularly when you read the IIHF’s description of his transgressions.

Hansen was assessed a game misconduct penalty for fisticuffs or roughing in Denmark’s preliminary-round game against Norway. He was actively involved in attacking Norwegian players Ole-Kristian Tollefsen, Martin Røymark and Mats Rosseli Olsen in a scrum.

The panel concluded that although the linesman tried to prevent Hansen from continuing his action, the player ignored these attempts and searched for new confrontations with his opponents. Hansen could not be calmed down. This resulted in sending the player off the ice and into the dressing room in order to prevent any further escalation.

First of all, there’s the fact that his penalty was for “fisticuffs.” I can just imagine Hansen with a handlebar moustache, bowler hat and vest putting up his dukes and challenging all comers. I also like how he was “actively involved” in the attack, rather than passively involved, which I imagine would have required one of his teammates grabbing his arms and forcing him to punch Norwegian players.

Clearly the best part, however, is in the second paragraph: “Hansen could not be calmed down.”

He’s crazy! He just lost control! Nothing could be done!

It may be time to retire the nickname “Danish Ninja” because his actions could not possibly be described as stealthy. Instead, Hansen has fully embraced being the Honninggrævling. Need further proof? This is from the description of the badger in the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual:

A badger that takes damage in combat flies into a berserk rage on its next turn, clawing and biting madly until either it or its opponent is dead. It gains +4 to Strength, +4 toConstitution, and –2 to Armor Class. The creature cannot end its rage voluntarily.

The creature cannot end its rage voluntarily. “Hansen could not be calmed down.”

Jannik Hansen don’t care. He’s pretty badass.

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10 comments

  1. madwag
    July 27, 2012

    Marvellous stuff! You made my day.

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    Rating: +8 (from 10 votes)
  2. Amelia
    July 27, 2012

    You just made me snort out loud in the office.

    Loved it.

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  3. Abby
    July 27, 2012

    I saw a “Honey Badger don’t care” t-shirt the other day.

    I snorted out loud and the first thing I thought of was Jannik.

    I think I need a life.

    XD

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    Rating: +12 (from 14 votes)
  4. Colin Schmidt
    July 27, 2012

    I want a handlebar moustache now just so I can challenge others to a round of fisticuffs.

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    Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
  5. Eric Blacha
    July 27, 2012

    So, is this a suspension after the tournament or is this on now? I’m alittle out of the loop on IIHF things.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  6. the real bob
    July 27, 2012

    He’s a rabid honey badger…why did they bother to try and calm him down? He takes what he wants…

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    Rating: +9 (from 11 votes)
  7. jmfaminoff
    July 28, 2012

    Reading IIHF report, he is suspended from playing in “Denmark’s first game of the Final Olympic Qualification Tournament Group F to be played in Denmark, 7-10 February 2013.” Unless the NHL players are locked out, knock on wood, he was never going to play that game. Nice punishment!

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  8. Winsy
    July 28, 2012

    Awesome! Let’s see some of this next season! Just no suspensions!

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    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  9. Brent
    July 30, 2012

    And we complain that Shanahan takes a long time to make some of his decisions. This is so long we can’t even really remember the game.

    Like the Honey badger analogy, but he could also be channeling his Viking Berserker heritage and wanted to re-subjugate the Norwegians. There are intense rivalries between scandinavians. Don’t ever tell them they are all the same!

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  10. Andrea
    August 1, 2012

    Wow! Love it! This read made my day :) Thank you! You are an exceptional writer :)

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)