Spitballin’ on Salo departing, Garrison incoming, and Jay Onrait gently mocking Samjam

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Salo bolts to Bolts, upsetting several

The departure of longtime Canuck and Vancouver’s most beloved, mishap-prone Finn, Sami Salo, hit many Vancouver fans hard. Perhaps none took it as badly as our own Chloe Ezra, who is as devoted a Salo fan as there is on this big blue planet. She expressed herself in this set of sketches:

One assumes that, if she and the rest of the Salo-lovers managed to compose themselves after they heard the news, they lost it again when Salo released a statement the following day. From that paper we write for:

“I want to express my sincere gratitude to the Canucks ownership, management and coaches for the opportunity to have been a part of such a wonderful organization,” Salo said in a statement released by the Lightning.

“I would like to thank my teammates for the friendship, hard-fought battles, and all of their support over the years. Most importantly, I would like to thank the fans in Vancouver for their support. I was not always a perfect player, but I always gave my best and I appreciate the way the fans treated me.”

Aw. I’m sad now.

Did the Canucks do the right thing in letting Salo go? In a word: verily. In a more modern word: yes.

Beloved as he was, Salo went from the Canucks “best defenceman” to a guy they didn’t particularly trust in their top four by the end of the season. Couple that with a list of injuries that outnumbers his years alive, and this summer was not the time to pay him the highest annual salary of his career. From a hockey standpoint, I wouldn’t worry too much about his move to Tampa.

From a personal health standpoint, however, I would. Between Salo’s super-pale skin and his penchant for curious injuries, he could be the first NHLer to miss time with a sunburn.

Mikael Samuelsson on HBO could be the best thing

In other former Canuck news, Mikael Samuelsson, whom we suspected might be on his last legs this season in Florida, has opted to keep playing, re-joining the Borg from which he came in Detroit. Samuelsson will make $6 million over the next two years with the Red Wings.

This is good news for Canuck fans, because it means we’ll get to see a lot more of him, and not  just because Detroit visits with a little more regularity. The Red Wings are in the Winter Classic next season, which means Samuelsson and his famous candor, out-loud thinking, and occasional HBO language will see some time on Home Box Office’s third generation of the 24/7 franchise.

Hopefully, just before the cameras arrive, Samuelsson will be snubbed by a country. He doesn’t take that too well.

Watch all of Jason Garrison’s goals from last season

We’ll have much more on Garrison in the coming weeks (and years, since he has a full no-movement clause), but in the meantime, here’s a video compilation of all his goals from last season. Notice any patterns or trends? One that stands out to me is that he’s wearing a Panthers jersey in all of them. That should change.

And while we’re on the topic of goal compilations, our third offseason will be much like our first two. We’ll be starting up the “Every Goal” series next week, running through each and every tally tallied by a Canuck in 2011-12, player by player. Who should we do first? 

Samjam: ya blew it

I missed this while I was away in sunny Mexico, but apparently, our old pal @samjam99 is absolutely determined to break that eventual Roberto Luongo trade, even if it means he has to fly a little too close to the sun on occasion. Last week, his ”BREAKING” report that Luongo was officially on his way to Florida was picked up by Jay Onrait, the best sports anchor in Canada. 

Don’t worry — Onrait didn’t report it. He mocked it.

Don’t feel too bad, Samjam. Making Sportscentre is a big accomplishment, no matter how you do it. Granted, every other way is better, but still.

I hate to end this bit on a laugh at poor Samjam’s expense, though, so let’s let Onrait dance us out.

Roberto Luongo is just as bad

And anyway, Samjam was hardly the only guy giving misleading information on Luongo trades.

 

What a cheeky guy, especially since I wouldn’t put it past him to break his own trade.

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16 comments

  1. Timmy Wong
    July 4, 2012

    Jay Onrait might be going soft on samjam, but the rest of the good ol’ internets is picking up the slack.

    From the 9th level of hell that is the Canucks forum, a forum member decides to debunk the latest Luongo tweet (the one involving the banners around the arena): http://forum.canucks.com/topic/331549-rumoursreports-official-roberto-luongo-trade-thread-keep-it-all-here-please/page__st__2670#entry10758499

    Of course, we can expect no accountability or ownership from samjam that he blew it (again). Sad, considering he actually had some legitimacy after breaking the Hodge-Kass trade.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      July 4, 2012

      Brutal. The kid came out of the season with some surprisingly well-earned goodwill and trust. Now he is deservedly back to none.

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  2. sarah
    July 4, 2012

    OH man, could you imagine if Strombone broke the Lu trade [if the Lu trade does occur]? Is it possible for worlds to explode from too much awesome?

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  3. Mike H.
    July 4, 2012

    Regarding Garrison… looks like his booming slapshot stopped being effective by February. His shot doesn’t look any harder than Edler’s either. Sigh.

    He’s definitely more handsome though :P

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    • Lenny
      July 4, 2012

      Very likely the rest of the league looked at the goals by defenseman stats by Feb and realized that they should start paying this unknown Jason Garrison character a bit more attention since his name appeared at the top of the chart.

      I’m happy if he is a physical and steady defenseman in his zone who just happened to shoot the puck hard.

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  4. Rituro
    July 4, 2012

    My votes for players to kick off “Every Goal 2012″:

    1. Burrows
    2. Hansen

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    • pooroldbear
      July 4, 2012

      My vote is similar: rather than doing by goal scorer, why not break it down to a more fundamental level? Wizardous Sedinery (sorry, Sedinerie) to be covered first en masse. Then the other guys. ;)

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  5. Scott
    July 4, 2012

    Looks like Garrison can get his shot away a lot quicker than Edler and even Salo – not much of a wind-up at all

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    • Paul
      July 4, 2012

      God…. he just KILLS those one timers. Let’s hope he gets some chemistry with Edler going. I mean it’s a given the Sedins are going to find him a lot, but Edler seems to work best when he gets in a groove with his partner. Some people need stability in theirs lives I suppose.

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  6. Dane
    July 4, 2012

    Now, more than ever, I need a ‘Salo is my Pal-o” shirt. I hope the Tampa fans treat him well.

    Seeing as we have a new defenceman I think the every goal series should start off with some of the other defencemen. Edler, Bieksa, and a ‘before you go, lets look at your goals’, tribute to Salo. That’s 20 odd goals, I think,

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  7. the real bob
    July 4, 2012

    I don’t know why everybody’s making a huge deal about Onrait ripping SamJam, everybody’s been doing it before it became mainstream

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  8. Hotaru1787
    July 5, 2012

    Oh lord… samjam is just a riot to read!

    Example: Someone asked, “wheres Parise/Suter/Shultz ending up?”
    In the order, he said, “PIT/DET/VAN”

    Well, we all know how THAT turned out!

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  9. Max
    July 5, 2012

    Jay & Dan dancing made me pee myself, I wish we had TSN down here in San Diego! I think they’re the best anchors in the WORLD. At ANYTHING LOL!

    On another note, crying over Salo, screaming (with excitement) over Garrison.

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  10. BedBeats
    July 5, 2012

    Not much to add about my sadness about Salo leaving.

    But holy assnuts! The OTHER Sammy on 24/7?!!

    Are you kidding me?! He will be this season’s Bryz.

    “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i really don’t care about TV, HBO is TV? I don’t know.”

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  11. tom selleck's moustache
    July 5, 2012

    i’ve been going through chloe’s blog (some great stuff in there btw) and came across this post:

    “How can you say we don’t need Salo? Have you WATCHED the games? We definitely need Salo. The drop-off in general team skill and team play is tangible when Salo’s out of the lineup. Everything’s off. Eddie doesn’t play as well with his temporary partner, everyone’s off-kilter, no one trusts each other, AV tries to calm them down and find partners that do work and by the end of the game it’s a fucking free-for-all with Romer playing with Juice and Hammer’s trying to coax Eddie out of the hole he’s hiding in and Tanev’s sitting there puffing on his cig going “What the hell’s wrong with you people?” and Bally’s accidentally hipchecking Lu.”

    Gawd, that made me laugh; but such an accurate description of the affect his being in the line-up had. Combine that with his good natured character, it’s a real shame to see him go.

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  12. frenchnuck
    July 9, 2012

    all I got out of that was that the coyotes are moving to Vegas…

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