Country fight: Canucks fan Chad Brownlee responds to Oilers fan Brett Kissel’s apology song

Here’s the very true story of how Chad Brownlee, former Vancouver Canucks draft pick, became a country artist: shortly after being selected 190th overall by the Canucks in 2003, Brownlee suffered shoulder injury after shoulder injury. Eventually, it became clear that he wouldn’t be able to help the Canucks on the ice, so he went to the Canucks and he said, “My shoulders aren’t so good. What can I do instead of playing hockey to represent the greatest team in the world?”

And they asked Brownlee if he had any special talents, and he said he played guitar, sang a little country now and then, and was handsome. And that’s when the two sides hatched an idea.

“Far too many Canadian country stars are from Alberta, the cowboy province,” the Canucks said. “They hate us over there and they mock us through song. What we need is a Vancouver-based country singer to take up musical arms in our defence, to rail against the sickeningly anti-Canuck bias in Canadian country music.”

“I will be your country warrior,” said Brownlee. And thus, he set out to establish himself as a country artist, all the while remaining vigilant for any instance of anti-Canuck rhetoric stemming from those dastardly Albertan dastards. Finally, this week, his true purpose came to light when country artist and Oilers fan Brett Kissel wrote disparaging things about the Canucks on Facebook then wrote a super-offensive half-hearted apology song set to the tune of Alan Jackson’s “She’s Gone Country”:

Thankfully, Brownlee lived up to the promises of that historic day in Dave Nonis’s office and had Vancouver’s back. He wrote a rebuttal to Kissel, set to the tune of Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup”.

As a completely unbiased and totally impartial observer, I award the decision to Brownlee, whose song supports the team I prefer.

Now, I’m not a country guy, but this is cool. I think more public disputes should be settled this way, maybe even on the ice. Perhaps this is the next generation of enforcing? It’s definitely better for the brain (though not a whole lot better. Did I mention I’m not a country music guy?)

s/t to xoxo jes and Backhand Shelf.

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14 comments

  1. peanutflower
    April 25, 2012

    Well, country songs all sound the same to me anyway, but I’m pretty sure there’s only one video link here — or two links to the same vid.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      April 25, 2012

      Whoops. Fixed.

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  2. Dylan
    April 25, 2012

    You linked the evil song twice! PITB secretly hates Vancouver and denies us our Country Hero!

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  3. Timmy Wong
    April 25, 2012

    * Patiently waiting for the Carrie Underwood version of this*

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  4. sarah
    April 25, 2012

    I really appreciate your guys’ commitment to the Oxford Comma

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
    • Harrison Mooney
      April 25, 2012

      Yeah, that’s just a personal preference. It can get me into trouble. I wrote a book this winter and my editor was like, TAKE OUT ALL THE OXFORD COMMAS.

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      • sarah
        April 25, 2012

        humblebrag?

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        • Harrison Mooney
          April 25, 2012

          Considering it’s a bathroom book (i.e. a book you can get splashback on without remorse), I’m saying no.

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          • Chinstrap Joe
            April 25, 2012

            A man who reads while standing at the thunder mug. The Mooney mistique grows…

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  5. Abby
    April 25, 2012

    Yes. I want to see players drop the gloves and burst into song rather than going at it to tear each other apart. :P

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  6. Marcus
    April 25, 2012

    Way to give Nathan credit for telling you guys about this. Here is his twitter where he sent it to you https://twitter.com/#!/natevk

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  7. Aguywhotriedonsomeskates
    April 26, 2012

    Did Brownlee work at the Surrey Hockey Shop a couple of years ago? I remember the guy helping me try on some new skates was telling me about how he had just came back from Nashville to try to start his country music career and how he had already been drafted by the Canucks. Nice song!

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  8. Chicky
    April 26, 2012

    Brilliant! I love this kind of duel.

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  9. cathylu
    April 26, 2012

    I’m not much of a country music fan but I definitely prefer Brownlee. I wish him luck in his music career.

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