Here’s the very true story of how Chad Brownlee, former Vancouver Canucks draft pick, became a country artist: shortly after being selected 190th overall by the Canucks in 2003, Brownlee suffered shoulder injury after shoulder injury. Eventually, it became clear that he wouldn’t be able to help the Canucks on the ice, so he went to the Canucks and he said, “My shoulders aren’t so good. What can I do instead of playing hockey to represent the greatest team in the world?”
And they asked Brownlee if he had any special talents, and he said he played guitar, sang a little country now and then, and was handsome. And that’s when the two sides hatched an idea.
“Far too many Canadian country stars are from Alberta, the cowboy province,” the Canucks said. “They hate us over there and they mock us through song. What we need is a Vancouver-based country singer to take up musical arms in our defence, to rail against the sickeningly anti-Canuck bias in Canadian country music.”
“I will be your country warrior,” said Brownlee. And thus, he set out to establish himself as a country artist, all the while remaining vigilant for any instance of anti-Canuck rhetoric stemming from those dastardly Albertan dastards. Finally, this week, his true purpose came to light when country artist and Oilers fan Brett Kissel wrote disparaging things about the Canucks on Facebook then wrote a super-offensive half-hearted apology song set to the tune of Alan Jackson’s “She’s Gone Country”:
Thankfully, Brownlee lived up to the promises of that historic day in Dave Nonis’s office and had Vancouver’s back. He wrote a rebuttal to Kissel, set to the tune of Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup”.
As a completely unbiased and totally impartial observer, I award the decision to Brownlee, whose song supports the team I prefer.
Now, I’m not a country guy, but this is cool. I think more public disputes should be settled this way, maybe even on the ice. Perhaps this is the next generation of enforcing? It’s definitely better for the brain (though not a whole lot better. Did I mention I’m not a country music guy?)chad brownlee, chad brownlee is a Canucks mole, country fights, fight fight fight, hockey music