I Find This Photo Odd: The zombie Canucks devour a linesman

Earlier this season, Chris Higgins missed time with a mysterious infection of some sort, and we at PITB immediately screamed “Zombie bite.” Of course, no one takes our opinions seriously (which is probably a good thing), so our suggestion was ignored.

But then the infection struck again, and Higgins missed even more time. A highly-resist strain of infection? Definitely zombiism, which isn’t just highly-resistant, it’s potentially virulent.

And yet still, we were ignored. Eventually, Higgins was brought back to health with antibiotics and rest and returned to the lineup, where we have secretly feared that he would pass the infection onto his teammates ever since. And, judging from this photo from the Canucks’ tilt with the Phoenix Coyotes, it would appear that our concerns were justified. I’m not sure how this isn’t a bigger story, but on Wednesday night, Chris Tanev and Sami Salo ate an official.

Kudos to Rich Lam, the photographer here. Between this and the kissing couple, he’s clearly becoming Vancouver’s best documenter of apocalyptic imagery.

But there’s no time to marvel at the craft. It’s Z-Day, people. Seriously, this seems downright lifted from our ongoing zombie apocalypse fanfic saga. I mean, look at Tanev, licking his lips, eyes wide at the thought of devouring Don Henderson’s delicious, delicious brain as he and Sami Salo drag the linesman into the bench. That’s some scary stuff. (Although, in fairness, Salo will eat pretty much anything.)

Be sure to take note of Marc-Andre Gragnani’s face, by the way. Lam managed to catch him just the virus began to tinct his skin and take over his system.

Maybe you don’t see what I’m seeing in this photo. Admittedly, it’s hard to see zombiisim without, say, the green skin and the gaping wounds, so I punched it up a little.

But it’s clear from the original photo that this isn’t one of those zombie strains that changes the skin colour. It just makes you go insane. Looks to me like it’s more in line with films like 28 Days Later and The Crazies than, say, Romero’s Dead trilogy. For further evidence, I submit this photo of Mason Raymond from the same game:

Same crazy eyes and tongue waggle. Yep, it’s too late, friends. If you need me I’ll be boarding up the windows.

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12 comments

  1. cathylu
    March 15, 2012

    I always thought the zombie apocalypse would start in L.A. – I never imagined it would be Vancouver! And is Higgins patient Zero or did he get it from someone else??

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  2. V
    March 15, 2012

    The burning question is, was this before or after Tanev got his assist last night? Maybe he’s a sharper player when he hungers for the delicious flesh of officials…

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    • JS Topher
      March 16, 2012

      No, the real burning question is when will we see the end of the zombie apocolypse series?

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  3. Canucklehead_in_T.O.
    March 15, 2012

    I am afeared.
    I would be VERY afeared, except I can’t help but think that the taste for human flesh might just put a little zip in our dear boys’ skates.
    If nothing else, it will incite horrible terror in our opponents, and just think of all the Power Play opportunities we’ll get when opposing teams resort to gruesome beaheadings (the only surefire way to resist a zombie attack) instead of the usual hooking and holding.
    Our PP stats are sure to rebound as a result.

    I like where this is headed. Carry on, zombie Nucks.

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  4. beano
    March 15, 2012

    if the canucks are vampires they have been stashing their true blood for the playoffs. how else to explain this sudden lack of energy ? think back to last year when they ran out of potent and life giving blood on their trips to boston. the line up fell apart. this year they are prepared. starting about 20 games before the playoffs they are carefully stockpiling their supply of blood for when it counts most.

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  5. The Bookie
    March 15, 2012

    Nobody takes your opinions seriously? What about Rich Winter?

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    • Daniel Wagner
      March 15, 2012

      To clarify, nobody takes Harrison’s opinions seriously. Everyone, including Ritch Winters, takes my opinions seriously.

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  6. biznow
    March 15, 2012

    Someone made a thread about this story on canucks.com and the thread was locked, citing a lack of substance, and calling it SPAM.

    The reason this amuses me so greatly is because it is probably one of the more well thought out things to ever be posted on canucks.com. I’m thinking its a cover-up……. There is no denying the canucks are playing like the walking dead.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      March 15, 2012

      Whoa, they did, too!

      There is, like, zero consistency to what they do and don’t lock over at the canucks.com message boards. Blows my mind sometimes.

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      • Zach Morris
        March 17, 2012

        800 “Zack Kassian-what if?” threads: 3 locked.
        1 Canuck zombie thread: 1 locked.

        well, they consistently lock out zombies. they know what’s up in an apocalyptic scenario.

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  7. sarah
    March 15, 2012

    Can Zombie Canucks be a running feature?

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  8. obituary mambo
    March 16, 2012

    Awesome read!

    So, zombiism is now nearing a team-wide epidemic. I’m trying to decide how this will affect their game once it really sets in. Will they become dangerous killing machines who retain enough sense not to be deterred from their goal of winning the Stanley Cup? Or might they not even realize they’ve been infected and attempt to lead normal lives a la Wasting Away? Worst case scenario would be turning into sluggish walkers, incapable of thought or reason, bent only on feasting and easily distracted… Oh, lord. I’m afraid we have our answer. Here’s hoping that’s just the first stage before badass zombiism sets in. Fingers crossed!

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