A Moment of Pure Bulis

It’s a stressful time right now. The Canucks have lost 3 of their last 4 games, making this the worst slump of the season since mid-October, when they also lost 3 of 4.  This massive, enormous tailspin has Canuck nation in a tizzy that is threatening to turn into a veritable hubbub.

Henrik Sedin doesn’t have a point in 8 games. Will he ever record another point to tie Trevor Linden at second on the franchise leaderboard in points? Daniel Sedin doesn’t have a goal in 8 games. Is it because he feels bad about his brother’s slump and refuses to score another goal until Henrik records a point? Doesn’t he realize that is counter-productive and that if he scores, it will likely mean that his brother will get an assist? Why doesn’t he realize this?

Have the Sedins been secretly replaced by other, less-talented twins, like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen or Bill and Tom Kaulitz? Was the Hodgson/Kassian trade a smokescreen for this Freaky Friday-esque switcharoo? If so, what was Gillis thinking? I don’t care that the Olsen twins have incredible Fenwick numbers, Canucks fans just want the Sedins back!

What about Roberto Luongo? Doesn’t he realize that if he has a couple mediocre games or lets in a bad goal the TV cameras will instantly focus on Cory Schneider’s freckly face? Why doesn’t he understand how much stress he causes his defenders when he shows any sign of weakness? Has he been secretly paid off by the Team 1040 to provide them with endless talking points?

Then there’s Cody Hodgson, who hasn’t tallied a single point with the Sabres since being traded, which is awfully inconsiderate towards the Canucks fans who desperately want to blame the trade for the Canucks’ struggles. Why isn’t he helping out his apologists by putting up an assist or two? That’s a clear indicator of a lack of character.

Zack Kassian isn’t helping out much either: why isn’t he a dominant power forward at the age of 21? It’s been 6 games already and he’s been frighteningly inconsistent? How much longer can we put up with this kind of streakiness from a player in his first professional year of hockey? Why isn’t this highly-touted rookie already perfect?

The Canucks just lost to the team in last place in the Eastern Conference on Saturday. THEY MAY NEVER WIN AGAIN.

Relax.

Sometimes the fever pitch reaches a critical point. When that happens, we at PITB recommend that you take a step back, focus on your breathing, and enjoy a much-needed Moment of Pure Bulis.

Did you know? Sami Salo had a dog named Retu when he was growing up.

 

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25 comments

  1. yobbei
    March 12, 2012

    This is so funny. Seriously people need to relax. I live in Toronto now and for the leafs losing 3 out of 4 is considered a hot streak.

    Sometimes we forget how lucky we are compared to leafs fans.

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    • Phileo99
      March 12, 2012

      After watching Henrik get pounded for the umpteenth time by PK Subban, it made me want to go out and flip a pool, then flip a police cruiser, then go to Robson Street to set a garbage bin on fire, then have someone videotape me smashing the windows of poor old London Drugs again, without wanton disregard as to whether or not I will be kicked off the water polo team .

      Fortunately, I came across this article before I set out on my adventure into the abyss, and instead took some deep breaths as I proceeded to go into a down facing dog pose which enabled me to catch the zen of peace articulated by Daniel-san.

      Well played, riot averted.

      But what will we do on Wednesday?

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    • shoes
      March 13, 2012

      that pretty well sums it up. Believe you me this is not “Canuck Nation” in a serious panic…..this is a few reporters, a few talk show hosts and all the nutbars that call in repeatedly to talk shows in full blown panic……..and I happen to know we share at least similar nutbars with Toronto.

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  2. Tom
    March 12, 2012

    Why, yes… that was relaxing.

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  3. Zach Morris
    March 12, 2012

    deep breaths.
    (inhales)….
    ahhhhhh….

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  4. Mark Ragnar
    March 12, 2012

    Do they give you actual office space at the Sun? If so, can you walk down the office and slap Iain MacIntyre upsaid the head? His latest “Sedin virus has made its way through Canucks” article is worthy of Vancouver’s other daily paper. He hasn’t reached Ed Willes level of imbecility yet (Viz. recent article re: Luongo’s warranty expiring due facing too many lifetime NHL level shot), but he is trying.

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    • Scott
      March 12, 2012

      What was the problem with the column? I think it was echoing the concern of many – including the coach ““Any time your top players, your best players, aren’t your top performers, obviously there’s a level of concern,” Vigneault said Saturday after the Canucks stopped playing in the third period and surrendered to the worst team in the Eastern Conference.

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  5. Prophet
    March 12, 2012

    Some standings:
    NY Rangers – 93pts, P10: 5-3-2
    Boston Bruins – 83pts, P10: 4-5-1
    Vancouver Canucks – 92pts, P10: 4-4-2
    Detroit Red Wings – 91pts, P10: 4-5-1

    However…
    Pittsburgh Penguins – 89pts, P10: 9-1-0
    St. Louis Blues – 97pts, P10: 9-1-0

    So hands up who thinks the last two are going to the SCF? Or is it obvious that the “real” contenders are letting up on the gas a bit so to peak when it counts?

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    • J21
      March 13, 2012

      There’s no reason to think a STL-PGH final is unrealistic. Frankly, if Crosby stays in the lineup, I expect Pittsburgh to come out of the east.

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  6. The Bookie
    March 12, 2012

    Serenity Now!!

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    • SteveB
      March 12, 2012

      Serenity Now!!

      I am a leaf on the wind – watch how I soar.

      ohhh, now I’m really sad. :-(

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  7. Andre
    March 12, 2012

    Perhaps Kevin B can leads us through this contemplative moment into a zone of pure Bulis Bliss.

    Ommmmmmmm……

    Aaaaahh!

    Thank you Juice!

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  8. Scout
    March 12, 2012

    When you want another team from our *division* to win against St Louis or Detroit so we can have better standings in the conference — you know things are going well overall.

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  9. bergberg
    March 12, 2012

    As a *sometimes* irrational Canucks fan, your second paragraph really had me going. What if Henrik DOESN’T ever get another point? What is Daniel thinking!?!?

    But by the end I realised this is all jokes. Right? Your just joking? RIGHT?!?

    Breathing deeply, breathing deeply….

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  10. Brent
    March 12, 2012

    I recommend prozac, screw the breathing exercises. Now is not the time to panic.

    Don’t forget, the whole team played great against the Jets, even if the Sedin’s didn’t get any points. We had an awesome 1st period against the habs, a pretty good second period, and then really sucked in the third. So it hasn’t been atrocious. We have come up against some hot goalies and some good team defence.

    Let’s see how we do in the next few games. If we are still playing poorly, and loose to Chicago on the 21st THEN it is time to panic.

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  11. Cathylu
    March 12, 2012

    I hope they’re saving up their energy for next week’s road trip. I want to be able to cheer them on to victory (hubby and I will be at Minnesota, Chicago and Dallas) in person. (I know, it’s all about me.) That’s how we celebrate an anniversary in my house – 31 years of wedded bliss – a hockey road trip!

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    • bergberg
      March 12, 2012

      That’s so sweet! Congratulations!

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      • Cathylu
        March 12, 2012

        Thanks!

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    • SteveB
      March 12, 2012

      A hockey roadtrip with my girlfriend is on my Bucket List, have a great time and Go Canucks Go!

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  12. Brent
    March 12, 2012

    Maybe we should bring back the man in the purple outfit (above) and he can chant “serenity now” in the dressing room before games. In the stands during games or after games. Or maybe he can phone into 1040?

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    • Brent
      March 12, 2012

      But he has to wear the purple “dress’ and it would be awesome if we could get some trained birds to fly around him as well. He would be way more popular than fin.

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  13. Jethro
    March 12, 2012

    Lost 3 of their last 4, yes, but also 5 of their last 7.

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    • canucks in europe
      March 13, 2012

      They’ve also won 42 of their last 69…just saying….

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  14. warren
    March 13, 2012

    Mark, well said. i don’t ‘get’ the hysterical articles from Cam Cole, Willes, McIntyre, and especially from Gallagher. Just leaves a bad taste. Funny they never comment on the cycles of Detroit, Boston or Philadelphia.

    PITB – Good Work Daniel, always fun to read.

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  15. superreggie
    March 14, 2012

    What? No-one’s commented on the graphic? J.B. in new age regalia? Coming to lead us to the hockey promised land? Kudos I say! We have the best blog in professional sports I say! Thanks folks, that image alone is enough to raise my spirits! Go Canucks!

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