Video: Roberto Luongo is coming to get this kid

Roberto Luongo has become a very divisive figure in Vancouver. Either you love him or you hate him, and if you hate him, you hate him vociferously. He wilts under pressure. He’s not clutch. He loses his stick too often. He flops around like a fish. These are just some of the oft-voiced criticisms.

But people wouldn’t say these things if Luongo-hating summoned his ghost like saying “Candyman” or “Bloody Mary” three times into a mirror, now would they?

Of course, only a five-year old could believe something that silly. Take Jordan, for instance, a youngun who backs off on his “Carey Price is better than Roberto Luongo” argument the moment his Auntie suggests she might just tell Luongo where he lives and let the Canucks’ netminder come get him.

Don’t laugh too hard at poor Jordan. His argument for Price’s superiority is no less convincing than other arguments I’ve heard: “Carey Price saved all these shots. Roberto saved a couple shots — [slurping saliva] — but he didn’t save that many before they scored.” Airtight.

Of course, it’s not Jordan’s debate skills that make this video so wonderful. It’s the exchange that follows:

Auntie: I’m gonna tell Roberto that you said that about him.

Jordan: [Disbelieving] No.

Auntie: And then I’m gonna tell him where you live, and he’s gonna come and get you.

Jordan: [Concerned] No. [Terrified] NOOOOOOOOO! I don’t want him to!

Poor Roberto Luongo. At one time, people thought he was good. Then people thought he was bad. Now people think he’s slasher movie bad. Don’t go out at night in Vancouver. Roberto Luongo will kill you.

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26 comments

  1. jer
    February 24, 2012

    yeah, if any of my kids’ aunties ever pulled that bs with him, it would be the last time aunty got any unsupervised time with him. funny video? barely. more just an asshat stunt to pull on a kid and put online, imo.

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    • JS Topher
      February 24, 2012

      Over sheltered much?

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      • jer
        February 24, 2012

        You might think so… I don’t. As I mention below in response to Auntie, kids believe what adults they trust tell them. If my son was told seriously by an adult they trusted that a professional athlete was going to come to his house to confront him, I’d have an issue with it. Scaring my kids for laughs, which is what that video looked like to me, just isn’t ok.

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  2. Auntie
    February 24, 2012

    @jer
    Jordan never reacts like this, that is why I am laughing. No nephews were harmed in this video we went on to play hockey in the toy room where Jordan saved “most” of my shots on him. He is a super goalie and I am very proud of all my nieces and nephews.

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    • Brentals
      February 24, 2012

      Sure is a super goalie in the making…did you see that right leg push-off to make the save?

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    • jer
      February 24, 2012

      I’ll take your word for it, then. The video looked to me like an adult, in a pretty serious and believable voice, telling a kid that they were going to invite a professional athlete to come confront him for having an opinion about hockey. Kids believe what adults they trust tell them, and he rightly looked terrified, while the adult laughed – and then put it online. Granted I was reacting to a short and context-free video, but that’s what was offered to react to. Glad you and your nephew get along, and I’m sure you’re a nicer aunt than I gave you credit for from the video. Guess it just didn’t seem that funny to me (as terrified kids usually don’t) but ymmv. peace…

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      • Jason
        February 24, 2012

        Wow…lighten up.

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        • jer
          February 24, 2012

          ok.

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          • Harrison Mooney
            February 24, 2012

            I’m with everyone else on this one. Clearly, the kid’s reaction was a surprise, and well before uploading it to Youtube because it was a funny surprise, his aunt comforted and consoled him. Nothing malicious here at all.

            Now if this video was part of a popular series where she dismayed poor Jordan on the regular by threatening to send athletes he didn’t like to give him the what-for, that would be a different story.

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            • jer
              February 24, 2012

              @Harrison Fair enough. I guess my issue was that the video didn’t make it clear that he was in on the joke (how does he feel about this being online?), and came across as an adult scaring a child into tears. Auntie’s posted here and given a bit of context which is helpful. To me, the video of its own accord wasn’t funny and came across as mean spirited, but I’ve been wrong before and my assessment of Auntie was probably wrong here. I still don’t think adults scaring kids is funny, but so be it. I’m in the minority on this, so I’ll back away slowly and go find some of Chloe’s drawings to laugh at instead. :) (As it happens, I generally find Shorty and Garrett funny too, so maybe my laugh-o-meter isn’t quite synced up with the rest of the Bulies…) As usual, PITB has distracted me from work too much. As you were…

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            • hockeyispretty
              February 24, 2012

              Whatever, Harrison. But you guys had better be nice to Brodeur in your next IWTG or I’ll tell. And you know what happens then…

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              • A Devils Fan
                February 24, 2012

                What? He’ll come to your house and eat all of your donuts, cake and pie?

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  3. SteveB
    February 24, 2012

    I hope that Chloe Ezra can use this for her next Pass It To Comics strip!

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    • DanD
      February 24, 2012

      Yes please!

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  4. Shade of Blue
    February 24, 2012

    Won’t somebody think of the hockey pucks?!

    Look at Luongo’s eyes in the photo at the top – he’s staring at it like he’s Clooney trying to kill a goat.

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  5. Raftgeek
    February 24, 2012

    People need to lighten up. If you can’t have fun with your kids or your nieces and nephews they will never grow up with a sense of humor and that makes for a very sad world. My guess is the people complaining don’t have kids themselves, certainly they don’t have a sense of humor.

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  6. kavy36
    February 24, 2012

    I’m with the kid on this one; the thought of Luongo coming to my house scares the crap out of me. I’m also thinking if one of my aunts had put the fear of Luongo coming to get me when I was younger I’d be a more upstanding citizen today.

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  7. JDM
    February 24, 2012

    No one show Jer those videos Jimmy Kimmel got people to send in at halloween and christmas. S/he may have a stroke.

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  8. Ayinnedollah
    February 25, 2012

    I’m with you jer. The aunt had no ill intention and she sounds like a darling. However, if I scared my child using the same words that our innocent aunt did, then I would choose my words more carefully in the future. PITB Nation, it is not about ”lightening up,” jer has a made an essential point and argument. One only has to put him/herself in the child’s shoes to imagine how scary the aunt’s ”threat” would be.
    Daniel and Harrison, PITB is an absolutely el -fabbo piece of work that helps to keep me up to date on the Canucks.
    I work and live in a dusty, forgotten corner of Ghana, West Africa, where ‘foootbaal’ reigns and live (or recorded) Canucks games are constantly out of reach owing to the internet connection being a lottery and the bandwidth the width of a rubber band. Whilst convalescing in the capital city, Accra, I saw one game during the 2010 / 2011 campaign when the Canucks threw the Sharks in the pot during round three.
    During the playoff run I was faced with a brutal judgement call in that I had to make a decision as to whether I wanted the ”Cup” or enlightenment. The coin was tossed and the Boston series found me yogically standing on me head, or levitating, – in silence- whilst at an ashram in India.
    One could reasonably presume that your correspondent is your run of the mill new age misfit whose only concerns are eagle feathers, astrology and crystals.
    However, I managed to hack into the ashram’s internet in order to watch replays and riots. The resulting emotional trauma and disillusionment was perfect fodder for my journey to the last frontier – the ‘self.’
    What is the point of this chapter of my post? I haven’t a clue. But as I sit, glowing like the Buddha, in my dusty office perched precariously in Bolgatanga, I will leave you with this penetrating question;
    ”Is Don Cherry a boufhead?”

    P.S. The other day I saw a guy clearing shit filled gutters. He was wearing a sweat stained ”Canadian Woman’s Hockey” baseball cap that was autographed by Ron MacLean. I had to squeeze back a tear.

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    • peanutflower
      February 25, 2012

      like literally shit?

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      • Ayinnedollah
        February 25, 2012

        Some literal shit. Not a lot. And urine. Bails of festering plastic bags choke the gutter along with all other seemingly imaginable discards including the odd goat carcass. The water turns black. It smells horrible like shit. Clouds of mosquitoes are born. Malaria is a bummer. Sometimes the best medicine for malaria is taking in a bit of Sedinery on the highlights -if the internet is working.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      February 25, 2012

      This is the best comment.

      Ghana, huh? That’s where I’m from. In terms of ancestry, anyway. I’ve never been to Africa.

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      • Ayinnedollah
        February 25, 2012

        Thanks for the thumbs up Harrison! You and Daniel do a great job. Your Blog is fun and very informative. As sweat trickles down my arm onto the keyboard in the confines of my office where the temperature is bouncing off 50 degrees I must reiterate that your blog keeps me up to date as to what’s happening on the ice. I will be back in the Maple Leaf soon which will allow me to salivate over some live games. However, I’m back to Ghana in April / May and I’m waiting for the Divine to inspire me as to how I could possibly watch the playoffs. Satellite TV is a crap shoot. The sports programs on tap here worked us into a lather, during the 2010 Olympics, by programing 80% curling.
        Where is your family from in Ghana?
        I wish you and Daniel all the success and happiness.
        Be well.

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  9. Ayinnedollah
    February 25, 2012

    I received this just before last years playoffs began. Here is a joke created and sent by a friend of mine -an Ontario boy and long suffering Leafs fan- who now lives in the UK:

    Everybody has troubles and this poor guy is no exception.

    His letter to Abby:

    —————–

    Dear Abby,

    I am a crack dealer in London, Ontario who who has a steady flow of customers from the nearby junior high school. My parents live in a suburb of Toronto and one of my sisters, who lives in Kitchener, is married to a transvestite.

    My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Hamilton.

    I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Kingston for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his children.

    I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Windsor and is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel.

    I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally honest with her. So my problem is this: Should I tell her about my cousin, who is a Leaf’s fan?

    Signed,
    Anonymous

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  10. Auntie
    February 26, 2012

    Thank you to all you stuck up for me! Check out another video of Jordan on you tube called Jordan’s Stanley Cup prediction 2011. No crying involved. Keep in mind he just woke up… he’s not fully awake yet. (he said Van will lose the first game)

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  11. Chicky
    February 28, 2012

    Oh man, how did I miss this? Awesome! LOL I have vid of my then three year old dressed in goalie gear calling himself Lu during last year’s playoffs. *considers posting it*

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