No thanks to Ryan Kesler, Canucks caught in Tebow loop

The Canucks’ win in Colorado Saturday was nothing short of ridiculous. They were thoroughly outplayed by the Avalanche for the entire game and outshot 46 to 29. The Avs even missed two shots at the empty net in the game’s final minute. Then, fortunes changed in an instant when the puck took a weird bounce off a stanchion in the Colorado end and landed right on Kevin Bieksa’s stick. He buried it, tying the game, and the Canucks would go on to steal the two points in a shootout.

It was a shameless miracle.

Frankly, the Canucks have been getting by on shameless miracles for awhile now. They’re 4-0-1 in their last five games, all of which have required last-minute heroics, the most recent four of which have gone to overtime — three of which have gone to a shootout. The Canucks of the last 5 games look nothing like the team Vancouver fans are used to, a team that defeats opponents with strong puck possession, hard forechecking, and a lethal powerplay. Rather, this recent team is getting by on nothing but “clutch” performances, where “clutch” means “heroic albeit unnecessary if they had played better.”

So what happened prior to this five-game stretch to turn the Canucks from the team Vancouverites know into a hapless group relying on cheap miracles to eke out wins?

Ryan Kesler Tebowed.

Yes, as usual, Ryan Kesler did this. The photos above and at right are from the annual Dice & Ice Charity Event on January 19th, two days prior to the Canucks’ meeting with the Sharks. It drew chuckles. Most thought it little more than an amusing aside.

But it was far more. With this seemingly simple gesture, Ryan Kesler unknowingly invoked a Tebow loop.

What is a Tebow loop? A sports team’s worst nightmare, that’s what it is. Rather than playing well and deserving the win, teams caught in Tebow loops spend the bulk of the game laying an egg, only to watch it miraculously hatch into a victory. Then someone Tebows and you do it all again the next day.

I have proof. The Canucks are being compelled to Tebow after Tebow-y wins without even knowing it. Here’s Roberto Luongo, for instance, immediately after stopping Jay McClement to give the Canucks the 3-2 shootout win in Colorado, the state in which Tim Tebow resides.

Really, is there anything more Tebow-y than Roberto Luongo winning a shootout versus the Colorado Avalanche? Again, that’s Luongo, maligned shootout auto-fail machine, stopping all three shots against a team that came into the game undefeated in shootouts. It’s a Christmas miracle, and sure enough, Luongo can’t help but Tebow after it’s all over. He probably has no idea that he did it.

And he’s not the only one experiencing out-of-body Tebowing after undeserved wins. Two games prior, after Cory Schneider managed to drag a listless Canuck performance versus the Chicago Blackhawks into overtime, Daniel Sedin did this after scoring the miraculous winner:

Like the rest of his team, the poor guy has no idea he’s trapped in a Tebow loop.

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19 comments

  1. aidanbc
    February 5, 2012

    I really hope Ritch Winter reads this. What!? These guys work for a newspaper! They’re supposed to be reporters! Seriously, though, this is a phenomenal piece of investigative journalism. It’s like Woodward and Bernstein intercut with the Zapruder footage.

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    • zach
      February 5, 2012

      this just smells of the “Daniel Wagner Effect.” Did you call the organization to verify this story? What about Ryan Kesler? did you ask him if he was Tebowing, or did you just make an assumption? Where is your journalistic integrity? how about Tony Gallagher, surely you have his phone number, he writes for a real newspaper, his opinion must always be correct and unbiased. *You do write a fantastic blog that comes up with fantastic stories everyday. And on a side note, this story was as brilliant as any other, and again well done.

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  2. Canuckles
    February 5, 2012

    But luongo always does that when he wins in a shoot out…..

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    • aidanbc
      February 5, 2012

      Shhhhhhh! You’re spoiling it!

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    • Harrison Mooney
      February 5, 2012

      *plugs ears* lalalalala

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      Rating: +39 (from 41 votes)
  3. Cathylu
    February 5, 2012

    I was watching the replay of yesterday’s game this morning with my son and he totally thought Lu Tebowed after the shoot-out! LOL. But as you said, he probably didn’t know he was even doing it.

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  4. peanutflower
    February 5, 2012

    I was thinking that Daniel Tebowed, but I’d like to believe it was just a, no pun intended, knee jerk reaction. I’m betting the Sedins don’t spend much time watching NFL. Luongo, I bet that was just a praise god and pass the pancakes.

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  5. Nee
    February 5, 2012

    I think the team is just being nostalgic. They long for the emotional high they experienced as the ‘Cardiac Kids’ incarnation of the team, circa ’09-’10.

    My blood pressure does not agree.

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  6. Cody
    February 5, 2012

    Dear Vancouver Canucks,
    Please stop Tebowing. If you would look at the results of the Tebowing phenomenon you would realize that you are setting yourselves up for a miraculous win in the first round. This win creates high expectation causing TV ratings to spike and resulting in more people watching you get blown out in the second round. The only way to avoid this result is to cease Tebowing immediately. This must be followed by at least two games where your captain, Henrik, performs prima donna celebrations such as “Hot Stick”, “Ride em’ Cowboy” and “The Salute to Me”

    Consider yourselves warned,
    Cody

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    • Harrison Mooney
      February 5, 2012

      Hahahaha

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      • Cody
        February 5, 2012

        The actual players read this blog right? They will get the message right?

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  7. Michdog
    February 5, 2012

    Ryan is a great player! Good luck in the rest of the regular season, Canucks!

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  8. Brosef Stalin
    February 5, 2012

    If that’s what passes for Tebowing these days, then technically didn’t Bieksa do it too? I’m sure you can find an appropriate freezeframe to support it…

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  9. Abby
    February 5, 2012

    I love it when PiTB comes up with hilariously unbelievable reasons when the Canucks are doing poorly. It reminds me to laugh and recall the fact that it’s just a game :)

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  10. DanD
    February 5, 2012

    If you “do the Tebow” without praying to your god, does it still count?

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  11. BedBeats
    February 5, 2012

    The best thing for me is i actually do not know who Tebow is. *Google searches Tebow*

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  12. J21
    February 6, 2012

    Speaking of the NFL, I cheered against the Patriots last night entirely because of the Bruins.

    The Bruins, their fans and their media-fans made me cheer for a New York team, that’s how horrible those people are. If the 2004 Red Sox miracle comeback against the Yankees could be played again, I would hope for it to be an uneventful sweep, ha-ha! Pthbthbthtbhtb. [Makes dusting-off-hands gesture].

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    • DanD
      February 6, 2012

      I was totally doing the same thing!

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  13. Chicky
    February 6, 2012

    Blast it! It’s a Tebow pandemic in the dressing room!

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