I Find This Photo Odd: Chris Higgins shows no emotion

I’m not entirely sure what to make of this picture of Chris Higgins. At first glance, it’s just a normal shot of a guy, maybe at the end of the shift, maybe just waiting for puck to drop. But on a closer examination, it becomes difficult to determine just what emotion he’s wearing on his face. It could be anything. Hunger? Thirst? Ennui? Disappointment? Jealousy? Zombiism? One simply cannot know.

But I must. And thus, I decided to splice Higgins into a handful of images, just to see if, perhaps, I could find one well-suited to his emotional vacancy. What follows are my best guesses.

I give you: disappointment. Poor Higgins just wanted to rent Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel so that he’d be fully up to date on the mythology before he went to see Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. But then he discovered his favourite movie rental placed was closing forever.

I give you: irritation. Poor Higgins was just trying to wipe his nose with his shirt, but Jeff Vinnick snapped a picture and the next thing the Canucks’ winger knew his abs were all the rage. Then to make matters worse, someone put it in a gold leaf frame and called it art. Now he can’t even go to the museum without seeing his washboard stomach.

I give you: zombiism. He’s got the fake wound and the blank stare on lockdown. I’m also gonna go ahead and suggest this is where Higgins picked up that mystery infection.

I give you: jealousy. All Kiss Huggins wants is to be a part of the snuggles. Heck, he even hopped the boards just to join in. But then he had second thoughts. What if they don’t accept him? What if they tell him to go back to the bench where he belongs? So instead, he just stood nearby, waiting to be invited.

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16 comments

  1. sarah
    January 15, 2012

    Wow, you’d think, of all people, Dan “Community Man” Hamhuis would see Higgins wanting in on that hug and invite him to join.

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    • Kit
      January 15, 2012

      Obviously Hamhuis is too busy fending off Ballard’s unwanted advances. Check out that ass grab.

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      • Emily
        January 15, 2012

        I think that might be Burrows… unless Ballard played in the St. Louis game under disguise!

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  2. Karen
    January 15, 2012

    I’m very glad that you chose the image of Kiss Huggins being left out of a group hug. Have been looking forward to that!

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  3. swizzler
    January 15, 2012

    I was secretly hoping that you would have Higgins looking onward at a Canucks group hug photo featuring Christ Higgins. Pass it to Bulis meets Moon, or meets The 6th Day. either/or.

    Abed would approve, it’s meta

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    • swizzler
      January 15, 2012

      *Chris Higgins. Best typo ever?

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      • obituary mambo
        January 16, 2012

        Hee! I thought that was intentional.

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  4. SteveB
    January 15, 2012

    Here’s my take on it- Chris Higgins at a Beer Belly contest:
    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v390/skb/misc%20stuff/random_stuff/PITB/DisappointedChrisHigginsBeerBellyContest.jpg

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    • obituary mambo
      January 16, 2012

      Is there really such a thing as a beer belly contest?!? My mind is blown, which is really too bad, seeing as I might need it one day.

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  5. Hips
    January 15, 2012

    Oh Lord the banner for this feature is amazingness.
    I don’t know if its copyrighted or something, but can we get a copy of it without all the words on it?

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    • obituary mambo
      January 16, 2012

      I second that request.

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  6. Miriam M
    January 15, 2012

    This has nothing to do with this article, but when are we getting a Welly’s World update? He’s doing relatively well with the Jets, so I figured there’d be something to talk about (that, and he’s developed a bit of a comb overish side part). Is the segment not running anymore, or is he not interesting to you guys anymore?

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    • Harrison Mooney
      January 15, 2012

      yeah, we keep meaning to… and then we get distracted. Soon?

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      • J21
        January 16, 2012

        Right after Salo is your Pal-o?

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  7. DanD
    January 16, 2012

    Umm, was that the Abbotsford Blockbuster by any chance? It looked strangely familiar.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      January 16, 2012

      Ha. I’m not sure, I just took it from Google.

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