Kevin Bieksa chats with Jeff O’Neill about Christmas, team IQ, and Mason Raymond’s forgiveness

For a while now, Kevin Bieksa has boasted a reputation as one of the best quotes in hockey. The man can respond to even the driest of questions with a hilarious one-liner. And if he gets a juicier question, well, there’s a reason he’s called Juice — he’s right in his element.

So you had to know his appearance on 99.3 The Fox’s Jeff O’Neill show was going to be appointment listening. Those guys couldn’t care less about the game. They’re only out to get him saying funny things.

Granted, I cringe every time O’Neill and Co. call Bieksa “Boom Boom”, and I double-cringed when they tried to call his kids “Boombinos”. But there’s enough gold here to forgive them this trespass. The 10-minute interview is jam-packed with laugh-out loud moments. Have a listen:

Here are the highlights for the hearing impaired (and those reading at work):

  • Apparently, if you hit Mason Raymond, as Bieksa did Monday night versus Minnesota (with a puck to the face, no less), you have to give him “A full hug.” Bieksa tried, but Raymond punched him and accused him of denting his face on purpose. Bieksa riffs, ”He already sent out his Christmas cards, so I don’t know what he’s complaining about.”
  • While working up to a question, the interviewers imply that Bieksa is bad skater. He doesn’t quite accept their assessment. When they finally get to the question (“How far did you get in hockey solely based on your boyish good looks?”), Bieksa responds, ”Next question because THAT WAS STUPID.”
  • Jeff asks if his 8-year-old son Carter can ask Bieksa something. Bieksa responds, “It can’t be any worse than your question.” Then, the question is, “How many goals have you scored this season?” Brutal.
  • But Bieksa saves it with his answer: “Not enough. My sticks are terrible,” he says, while sitting next to his Easton rep at Easton headquarters.
  • In response to the question, “Which guy in the Canucks locker room would struggle the most watching Jeopardy, if you know what I mean?“, Bieksa says, ”Take your pick. We’re getting dumber and dumber every year.”
  • In response to a question about whether he’ll be manicuring his chest in anticipation for Shirt Off Your Back night on Wednesday, Bieksa says, “It’s 2011, not 1973. You gotta keep things tight.”
  • And finally, the interviewers go way off the rails for their final question, asking, ”To end cancer, which Canuck would you lay down in the tall grass with and make sweet hockey love to?” Bieksa seems downright confused by the question, eventually making sure that he understands exactly what it is they’re asking by spelling it out in cold, scientific terms: ”So I have to perform a homosexual act?” he says. Not surprisingly, that takes the air out of the question a little. But he plays along anyway. “To end cancer… anybody, take your pick.”

 

s/t to Sami for the tip.

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17 comments

  1. Dave
    December 21, 2011

    Every time he says “Boom-Boom” it sounds like O’Neill gets a little more stupid. KB3 on the other hand acquits himself well.

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  2. John
    December 21, 2011

    Wow, that radio guy’s ultra-overdone laughter is painful. Bieksa’s very graceful for putting up with with these guys.

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    • tj
      December 21, 2011

      While he may be graceful–although a/c to these radio buffoons, not while he’s skating–I do believe you mean ‘gracious.’ And you are absolutely correct. It seems the Canucks org would like Bieksa to do all the radio interviews. I can only imagine that Bieksa sneer while he’s answering some of these inane questions!

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      • John
        December 22, 2011

        Gracious. Yes, exactly.

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  3. tcl of OTP
    December 21, 2011

    BXA salvages what would otherwise be a brutal interview… “Boom-boom”? Really?

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  4. Cam Charron
    December 21, 2011

    “I’m a traditionalist. I don’t think you can really take hockey out of the game. It changes the whole framework.”

    Yes, that was said.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      December 21, 2011

      Ha! Yeah, I heard that too. I chose to ignore it since it was clearly an early-morning slip of the tongue.

      He’s got a point though. Few would disagree that, if you take the hockey out of hockey, it’s no longer hockey.

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  5. Sarah
    December 21, 2011

    This is the most lopsided inteview ever. Kevin’s responses are awesome, but the fox guys are so bad. I don’t know what’s worse, the inane questions, the obnoxious laughter to Kevin’s answers, or the continual use of Boom-Boom….

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  6. Andrew K
    December 21, 2011

    The Fox and Juice have a bit of a history which is why some of the stuff ends up being so goofy and stupid. I dont know if its still up on their website but his previous interviews on there are also quite amusing.

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  7. Roger Smith
    December 21, 2011

    as a long time Canuck fan, I’m not getting ahead of myself as saying ‘for sure’ the Canucks will make it back to the Finals. I think that’s too much pressure, and they face enough…

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  8. Ryan
    December 21, 2011

    Good lord, is there a reason they are fading the music in and out incessantly? It’s like their producer was playing a horrible joke.

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  9. Brosef Stalin
    December 21, 2011

    I don’t know why the fox hosts get so much hate… they just do what they can to set Bieksa up for a good zinger on them or for a good quote. I was actually listening back through their interviews with him last night and they’re all pretty damn enjoyable.

    My only complaint is that I can’t find the interview he did last summer on their site. I think it might have been taken down because Bieksa basically admitted he was driving while talking on his cell phone to the cfox crew… which is illegal in Ontario. Might have been some intervention by the Canucks organization to keep him out of any hot water…

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  10. iLovePITB
    December 21, 2011

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my. Bieksa is just.. wow.

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  11. Sonia
    December 21, 2011

    Yeah the interview is entertaining, but I can’t help but wince at their reference to Dion Phaneuf as Diane Phaneuf, especially in light of the Bolland comments.

    Before the hosts asked him the cure cancer question, they alluded to a previous question that they had asked him whether he was “cut or uncut” ( circumcised or not). I actually caught the previous interview when they had asked him that.It was cringe-inducing, awkward, entertaining goodness. Bieksa went “huh?” , feigned ignorance ( so it seemed), asking them if that was some sort of Fox lingo. Fortunately, he didn’t answer the question. Also, the hosts told him they had asked Mike Gillis the same question, and Gillis hung up on them while on-air.

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  12. Julia
    December 21, 2011

    “I’m obviously not a fan of beating children”

    Good call.

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  13. Michael
    December 21, 2011

    Good fricking Christmas!
    I swear that some of my drunker barstool barons could throw up better questions. After he showed his “hugging” insights I wish he had told them that “Boom-boom” was taken. He is Juice! The Juice!

    But what the heck would that make his children?

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  14. Gabrielle
    December 22, 2011

    Juiceboxes??

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