Sixteen things worse than losing consecutive games to Columbus and Carolina

Let’s be honest: any NHL team can beat any other NHL team on any given night, so there’s no shame in the Canucks losing a one-goal game to either the Columbus Blue Jackets or the Carolina Hurricanes. Granted, the Jackets are no longer the Western Conference’s worst team only by virtue of beating Vancouver, and the Hurricanes remain laughingstock of the Eastern Conference, but league parity allows for one-offs of this sort.

Still, if you can’t beat at least one of these teams in consecutive games, there is a little shame to be had. But it could be worse. Consider the following doomsday scenarios:

1. The Canucks could have lost both games in regulation.

2. The Canucks could have surrendered a hat trick to a guy named “Drayson”.

3. It could have been Henrik Sedin instead of Daniel that missed the game. When Daniel’s out, Henrik turns into an Art Ross champ. Daniel has yet to prove he’s capable of even lacing up his skates without Henrik. (It’s the Sedin version of the “no playoff experience” conundrum.)

4. Rather than Daniel Sedin, it could have been Mason Raymond who missed the game with a sore back. Can you imagine the panic?

5. Rather than Daniel Sedin or Mason Raymond, it could have been Cody Hodgson that missed the game with a sore back. There would have been a riot.

6. There could have been a riot.

7. Rather than get called up to play on the fourth line, Mark Mancari could have already been a staple on the third line and gotten moved up to play wing on the first. (We call this the “Steve Bernier” conundrum.)

8. Keith Ballard could have missed that wide-open net without Cam Ward having to make a save.

9. The Canucks could have played either of these games in the maroon orca jersey.

10. The Canucks could have played either of these games in the New York Islanders third jersey.

11. The Canucks could be the New York Islanders.

12. Five words: Byron Ritchie on the powerplay.

13. Roberto Luongo could have played versus the Hurricanes. I’m sure he would have been fine, but can you imagine if Vancouverites were able to pin both these losses on him?

14. Mark Messier’s tenure with the Canucks could have somehow been brought up during the game. (Oh wait. Crud.)

15. Mark Messier could have played during the game.

16. Mark Mancari could have failed to make it to the game on time and, unwilling to play another defenseman on the fourth line, the Canucks could have dressed Cory Schneider as a forward instead. (Mind you, judging from the following two photos, they did.)

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12 comments

  1. shallowminded
    December 16, 2011

    “Daniel has yet to prove he’s capable of even lacing up his skates without Daniel.”

    Man, that’s some deep philosophical commentary!

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    • Harrison Mooney
      December 16, 2011

      D’oh.

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    • Jason
      December 16, 2011

      He’s clearly referring to Wagner and not Sedin.

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  2. Winsy
    December 16, 2011

    Love it, Harrison! Thanks! Made me feel a little better about the two lames (I mean games)! Crazy how the team gets so personally ingrained with the fans. Moods change as often as the line-up of late!

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  3. Zach Morris
    December 16, 2011

    the canucks could have lost back to back games to Chicago and Boston

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    • Nee
      December 17, 2011

      Now THAT would have reached enema levels of awfulness.

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  4. gog
    December 16, 2011

    They could’ve been David Bermingham and won da actual turd…

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  5. Mitsu
    December 16, 2011

    I love those maroon Orca jerseys!

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    • Harrison Mooney
      December 16, 2011

      No you don’t. You only think that you do. ;-)

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      Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  6. Rory
    December 16, 2011

    Has a team ever dressed a Goalie as a forward, or or dressed any roster player from another position as a Goalie?

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    • Zach Morris
      December 17, 2011

      In 1928, New York Rangers manager and coach Lester Patrick played net in game two of the Stanley Cup Finals. Lorne Chabot, their goalie, had been injured, and teams didn’t have a backup in those days.
      So the coach played.
      And won.
      The Rangers used a professional goalie for the reaminder of the series, and won the Cup.

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  7. Maplemusketeer
    December 17, 2011

    Thanks to PITB every game ends up as a win/win scenario due to your great saves. The highlight of those unfortunate losses was redeemed in this one piece. I tip my chapeau to you beaus.

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