Chris Higgins loses his new female fanbase with gross swollen foot

Two weeks ago, Chris Higgins thrilled female (and certain male) Canucks fans by wiping his nose. While clearing nostrils of snot is not normally considered sexy – though there’s a fetish for everything I suppose – it was what he used to blow his nose and what he revealed in the process that got people excited. Higgins used the bottom of his jersey, revealing that he doesn’t wear a shirt underneath his jersey.

He also revealed that he works out.

This lead to a frenzy in Canucks nation, as brilliantly illustrated by this Chloe Ezra gif:

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It wasn’t an isolated incident either, as Higgins also uses the bottom of his jersey to wipe his forehead (revealing his abs). I suspect he uses the bottom of his jersey to clean his ears (revealing his abs), clear away eye-boogers (revealing his abs), and brush his teeth (revealing his abs).

Unfortunately, this also reveals a certain lack of hygiene. The bottom of a hockey jersey is not exactly the cleanest thing in the world. In fact, it’s likely rife with bacteria. Which makes me wonder if he also uses it to clean his feet.

You see, Higgins will be missing a game or two with an infection in his foot, which has swollen to a grotesque size. He had a similar infection when he played in Florida, which turned out to be a staph infection. Here’s how he describes it:

“I got a big zit on my foot, it was disgusting,” Higgins said shortly after arriving in Vancouver in a trade. “I’ve never seen anything like it, it just came out of nowhere and I guess it was pretty dangerous. They tried a couple of different antibiotics, didn’t work right away, and then after the third or fourth one it worked.

“It was scary because it came out of nowhere and my foot was like five times the size of normal in hours — from a dot to totally blown up.”

Gah! That’s gross. Here’s a tip: don’t do a google image search for staph infections.

WebMD says that a staph infections “often begins with a little cut, which gets infected with bacteria” leading to “a simple boil to antibiotic-resistant infections to flesh-eating infections.” Double gah!

Since Higgins has had this type of infection in the past, it’s hopeful that the doctors will know how to treat it right away to prevent it from, y’know, eating his flesh. Meanwhile, Higgins might want to avoid going barefoot in the Canucks locker room, both now while his disgusting foot disease is contagious, and in the future because locker rooms are gross and full of bacteria. Flesh-eating bacteria.

It’s actually a little surprising that Higgins was the Canuck who got the infection, as Manny Malhotra is the one who goes barefoot in his skates. In any case, here’s hoping Higgins returns quickly, as the second line was finally clicking and providing some secondary scoring.

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9 comments

  1. Ruth Fisher
    December 6, 2011

    A girl on my hockey team once got a blood infection from her skate and she missed the whole season… so here’s hoping that doesn’t happen to Higgins!

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  2. Timmy Wong
    December 6, 2011

    Y’know, when you tell someone to *not* google something, chances are, they will.

    i just did ;)

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    • peanutflower
      December 6, 2011

      I think I’ll pay attention to the directive this time though, and not Google. All kidding aside, this has the potential to be quite dangerous…

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  3. Kate
    December 6, 2011

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwBirf4BWew Higgins would appreciate this song right now. Extreme gross-ness aside, hopefully he heals up quickly! (Your comment screener always thinks I’m a spam-bot…is it because I’m a redhead, I thought you liked our people!)

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  4. Swizzler
    December 6, 2011

    i’m hoping higgins gets back into the lineup on thursday to help lay a beatdown on the habs. you know he’s going to be abs-olutely motivated to make ‘em remember what they had, and what they lost. thunder only happens when it’s raining. higgins is going to bring it.

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  5. JS Topher
    December 6, 2011

    Don’t ever tell me what not to do… I will surely do it. I’ve had a staph infection on my forehead before. I didn’t think it was that bad. ‘Pfft!’ I said out loud. ‘I’ll show YOU Wagner!’
    UGH!
    You showed me…
    My 5 year old loved it though!

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  6. Lord Thistlewick Flanders
    December 6, 2011

    a severe staph infection can, in rare cases, progress to necrotising fasciitis. google that.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      December 6, 2011

      Nope. Not doing it.

      Edit: NOOOOOO I DID IT

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  7. Tim
    December 6, 2011

    That’s the problem with going to the dirty areas.

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