If you’ve never heard of Heavy Eric before, well, that’s probably okay. But here’s what you need to know: the man’s been making Canucks-related roots music for quite some time now, having enjoyed a heyday, of sorts, for songs written during the West Coast Express era — most notably, “It’s Called the Todd Bertuzzi.”
This era is well past, but Heavy Eric soldiers on, and he recently uploaded a handful of songs to Youtube, all of which are dedicated to present members of the Vancouver Canucks. Here’s one about Jannik Hansen.
Um. Wow. Let’s all take a moment to marvel at the central couplet of this song’s chorus:
Jannik Hansen, the Danish destroyer/Jannik Hansen, he can shoot and score yeah
Hot dog, that is a generous rhyme.
As for some of the other lyrics, there’s a whole verse dedicated Hansen’s weight and height, as well as stuff I had a hard time making them out, I think because Heavy Eric chose to record these videos while riding a stationary bike backwards. I’m as bewildered by this choice as you are. Perhaps it’s to distract from the fact that he also chose to play the guitar behind his head the whole time?
I don’t know. Let’s move on.
This next video features a song about Sami Salo. You’ll likely notice that it’s set to the exact same melody for some reason.
Another strong central lyric here:
Sami Salo’s the Finnish Flash/His slapshot’s hard, he shoots it fast
For the record: Teemu Selanne — and no one else — is the Finnish Flash. Salo is the Finish MacInnis. But don’t worry: Heavy Eric switches about halfway through.
Other things we learn: apparently, Heavy Eric is riding the bike so as to prevent himself from falling asleep. Is he on some sort of deadline? Is someone making him do this? Is some thing? Is that something a beverage? The late thirty seconds of this video support this hypothesis.
Also, it would appear he was wearing a wig in the first clip. I… don’t understand.
And finally, Alex Edler gets the Heavy Eric treatment over the same melody.
This is my favourite one. In typical Alex Edler fashion, it’s completely nondescript. While Hansen was described as “The Danish Destroyer”, and Salo was described as “The Finnish Flash”, Alex Edler is described as “From Ostersund.” And later, “He wears number 23.”
Poor Edler is so boring. Why can’t he be more like Heavy Eric?Tags: I Find This Video Odd, The YouTubes