Cody Hodgson sounds like a huge nerd, you guys

Cody Hodgson is playing some excellent hockey right now. The rookie centre has 4 goals and 5 assists through his first 18 games, he’s made the second-unit powerplay look threatening for the first time in two years, and he was named the first star Sunday night versus the Islanders. He’s finally beginning to make a case for himself as a bona fide top-six forward, and Canuck nation is beginning to swoon at his potential.

But don’t be too quick to embrace Cody Hodgson, everyone. I’m beginning to suspect that he’s a huge nerd. Let’s consider the evidence.

1. He needed a makeover.

And this wasn’t just a matter of removing his glasses like Laney Boggs from She’s All That or Tracy “Ogbert” Jordan – Cody’s decidedly un-chic wardrobe required a full-fledged style intervention. From Kevin Bieksa’s Twitter account:

Jason Botchford followed up on this, and we learned that Hodgson wasn’t one for the “look good, feel good” philosophy until his teammates forced it on him. Hodgson wore running shoes all the time because he found them more comfortable, which is typical nerd logic.

Manny Malhotra did his best to help out. He played personal shopper, taking Hodgson to a mall just outside Columbus to start this road trip. Hodgson wore the new, sharp clothes he got with Malhotra to a team dinner that night. He was still smiling about it all Tuesday in Philadelphia.

[...] “It took a lot of work and a lot of people’s opinions but we finally got him out of his Grade 9 wardrobe,” Bieksa said. “We got him into some professional hockey clothes. He’s looking good now.”

2. He’s creepy.

The second sign that Hodgon’s a nerd: he hovers. It’s a dead giveaway, because nerds are socially inept. Again, back to Kevin Bieksa’s Twitter account:

It’s impossible not to notice when you’re in the presence of nerds because they stand behind you, use their inhalers right in your ear, and breathe on your food. Cody Hodgson sounds exactly like this.

3. He’s feeble.

Kid’s got a bad back. You know who else has a bad back? Every nerd ever.

4. He has a weird name and he insists on pronouncing it correctly.

Oh really, the G is silent? Nerd.

5. He was in the chess club.

It’s pretty much scientific fact that the chess club is just a haven for nerds. I mean, look at these dorks.

According to Brad Ziemer, Cody Hodgson was one of them:

I started really young,” [Hodgson] said. “My dad taught my brother and I the game and we have always played against each other and friends. I was actually in the chess club growing up until high school and then I didn’t have a lot of time to play competitively. I enjoy it. I like the mental aspect of it.”

He still plays a lot. If you ever see him staring into his cell phone, he’s probably not texting a friend. He’s playing chess.

No friends? Chess by himself? NERD ALERT.

6. He has an alter ego named Stefan

Okay, I made this one up. But still. It’s an open and shut case, people. Take it away, Homer:

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23 comments

  1. CanuckFanInSF
    November 16, 2011

    Unless he mutters “wibbly wobbly timey wimey” to explain a goal or awesome assist in an interview, this post is moot. ;)

    And props to a “Not Another Teen Movie” reference…

    “And don’t forget the paint-covered overalls.”

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    • Ruth Fisher
      November 16, 2011

      Let’s not confuse nerds with geeks ;)

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  2. Zukuss
    November 16, 2011

    Are you kidding? These are all reasons for me to embrace him even more!

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  3. tj
    November 16, 2011

    I love dorks, and especially love hearing about them becoming stars on top hockey teams. Revenge of the Nerds is real, isn’t it? (And is it just me, or is there an abundance of smarty-pants Canucks?)

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  4. akidd
    November 16, 2011

    you forgot the huge head. a huge casing for his gigantic nerd brain.

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  5. yapperface
    November 16, 2011

    Counterargument:

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    • akidd
      November 16, 2011

      point, set and match!!!

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    • Daniel Wagner
      November 16, 2011

      To clarify, for anyone who is confused: that’s not actually Cody.

      It’s his evil twin, Brody.

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  6. Sammyc69
    November 16, 2011

    I hope your reference to “nerds” is tounge-in-cheek. If not, a more suitable monicker for you is moron. Why? Because people like you, who so freely use the term “nerd” as a cornerstone to describe anyone who doesn’t fit your pop culture infused sense of cool, are quick to identify and hurt anyone who is different. So he’s a nerd. I was a nerd. I’m still a nerd, notwithstanding the fact that I played hockey in Europe and was a professional musician. Hopefully he reads your post and pays you a visit. With all of your faux coolness, I doubt you can even play hockey. Or perhaps your’re dreaming of becoming a Nobel Laureate with your witty column. At least you can remain a hockey critic. Yes, Cody is a nerd. You’re a pathetic douche bag.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      November 16, 2011

      Yes, it’s tongue-in-cheek.

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    • George Stevens
      November 16, 2011

      Sammyc69… there’s always one.

      Put your pocket-protector away and step away from the keyboard. Breath… and relax…

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    • J21
      November 17, 2011

      Did the title ending in “you guys” not make it sufficiently clear that this was not a serious piece?

      I also love how your first sentence considers the possibility that it is tongue-in-cheek [cf. "I hope this Onion article is not being circulated in scholarly journals, because if it is..."] and technically makes your ensuing condemnation conditional on that fact. And then you totally abandon that premise and just condemn the author outright! In really harsh terms, too.

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    • PeeSeeGee
      November 17, 2011

      Yep, the people who write on the internet have always been the cool kids. The nerds are the hockey players. This was a serious article.

      Really?

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  7. Gabrielle
    November 16, 2011

    Oh no! Are Cody’s dark times coming back to haunt him in the form of extreme nerdiness??

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    • Harrison Mooney
      November 16, 2011

      More like Cody Hodgson’s DORK times, amirite?

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  8. DanD
    November 16, 2011

    Oh my. I can identify with far too many of those conditions.

    I actually had to have a friend help me get rid of my “grade 9 wardrobe.” It was good timing too, because I met my wife like a week later.

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  9. The Bookie
    November 16, 2011

    This can only end in Kesler, Bieksa and Ballard pranking MG by rolling him up in a carpet and throwing him off a bridge.

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  10. Dane
    November 16, 2011

    Well there you go. Apparently I’m a nerd too.

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  11. MP
    November 16, 2011

    Why don’t you cool kids @ PITB challenge Coho to a chess match? ;)

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    • chicken hawk
      November 16, 2011

      The question is, of course, rhetorical.

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  12. madwag
    November 16, 2011

    I suppose some people find this sort of thing amusing. I don’t. It’s without class. Sammyc69 is right on! I’m glad danielson didn’t write it.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      November 16, 2011

      I do get tired of you calling me classless, madwag.

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      • madwag
        November 16, 2011

        Sorry. I apologize.

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