Last night’s game against the Minnesota Wild was absolutely miserable, a nearly unwatchable mess that saw the Canucks give up 45 shots on net, with a large number of them being golden scoring opportunities. After two big wins against the Capitals and Flames, it looked like the Canucks had put their early season struggles behind them, but last night demonstrated that this might not have been the case.

Kevin Bieksa described the game as “one of the worst performances I have been part of in this jersey” and it’s hard to argue with him. Fortunately, that game is over. Seriously. It ended last night. It’s over forever. Stop thinking about it. Tonight is a brand new game against a brand new team. It cannot possibly be as bad at that game.

Want to know why we’re so certain tonight’s game will be better? We have compiled 20 reasons.

1. With Roberto Luongo in goal, the Canucks know they simply have to score more, amirite?

2. Teams always play well on the second night of back-to-backs on the road because they simply don’t have time to get tired. Fact.

3. It’s the Blues, which means that Alex Burrows will score infinity goals.

4. Last night was just a makeup game for the fact that the blowout versus the Capitals happened in October.

5. Judging by their season so far, the Canucks are unlikely to score first tonight, which was clearly the problem last night.

6. Also: Dan Hamhuis scored a goal and got a 10-minute misconduct last night. In other words, the game is unrepeatable.

7. Thus far this year, the Canucks are undefeated on the road versus St. Louis the day after losing on the road in Minnesota.

8. The Canucks need to find their legs early, and this shouldn’t be a problem since they’ll be using them to skate.

9. The St. Louis Blues are a different team and they play in a different city and it’s a different night, so clearly, the exact same result is impossible.

10. Tony La Russa will drop the puck prior to tonight’s game, and the St. Louis Blues website is pretty much full of stories on the Cardinals. They seem to feel tonight’s game is a baseball game.

11. Speaking of baseball, Chris Carpenter skated with the Blues this morning, which clearly means he’ll be in the starting lineup. The Canucks should go at him hard.

12. The Blues’ powerplay is the worst in the league. That’s the joke.

13. Kevin Bieksa said last night’s game was the worst he’s ever played. If he plays worse tonight, he’ll have to say that again, and Bieksa doesn’t like to repeat quotes.

14. I refuse to believe I threw that virgin into the volcano for nothing.

15. The St. Louis Blues once debated putting a cartoon jazz cat on the front of their jersey. Clearly, they don’t take hockey seriously.

16. The only players for the St. Louis Blues to record a hat trick against the Canucks are David Perron and Brett Hull. Neither one of them will be in the lineup. Ignore that Greg Adams and Alexander Mogilny are the only Canucks to score a hattrick against the Blues.

17. Matt Cullen does not play for the Blues.

18. Cody Hodgson is due for a breakout, because he’s 21, and 21-year-olds get breakouts. Of course, if that’s going to happen, he needs to get greasier.

19. Clearly, November is Cory Schneider’s October.

20. Ryan Kesler was invisible in Minnesota, but the Blues don’t have any ring wraiths, so he’s okay with being seen tonight.

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8 comments

  1. BeCanucks
    November 4, 2011

    14 made laugh so hard. Thank you, I needed that!

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  2. madwag
    November 4, 2011

    simply because it couldn’t be worse!

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  3. Beninvictoria
    November 4, 2011

    As a virgin, point 14 offends me.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      November 4, 2011

      Don’t worry, it won’t offend you forever.

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    • Steve Lockhart
      November 5, 2011

      As a lover of vir…wait what?

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  4. invisibleairwaves
    November 4, 2011

    “3. It’s the Blues, which means that Alex Burrows will score infinity goals.”

    Okay, I read this, totally forgot what it was referring to, and just as I was trying to remember, Shorty explained it during the play-by-play. Weird.

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  5. cambo
    November 4, 2011

    Hey CHUMPS, two game Louser streak! Put away the parade route map. AGAIN! Bwahaha.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      November 4, 2011

      Yep, the Canucks have been lousing for the last two games. They should stop sharing hats and combs.

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