Yesterday, as David Booth was surrounded by a massive horde of hockey writers cramming cameras and microphones into his face like grandmas with spoons full of pudding, Canucks’ coach Alain Vigneault walked past and said with a chuckle, “Welcome to Vancouver.”

Yes, things are a little different here. While I won’t go as far as to say that no one cares about hockey in Florida — although, when an infomercial outrates your live game telecasts, um, the point sort of makes itself — it’s safe to say that the editorial board of the Miami Herald isn’t suggesting roster moves. No, that only happens here.

Pretty much everything David Booth does now is a story, and if there’s a way to turn it into a controversy, you’d better believe somebody’s on it. For instance, had Booth chosen to sit out Tuesday morning’s optional game day skate on the morning of his debut — a reasonable option, since it was optional, and he’s probably exhausted — it would have been a story. Heck, people were watching for it:

Jim Jamieson’s being ironic, but only because he knows what we all know: by simply showing up, Booth dodged a bullet. He was this close to being run out of town on his second day — that’s a Marco Sturm-level turnaround. Here are 10 potential David Booth headlines that the newest Canuck just avoided.

1. David Booth refuses to skate with team

2. David Booth stays in hotel room, perhaps to cry some more

3. We have a ‘Situation’ on our hands: Booth cares more about tanned abs than hard work

4. David Booth sits out game day skate, presumably to count his millions

5. David Booth, lazy player? Poor plus/minus and tendency to skip game day skates a concern

6. American Express line struggles with chemistry in first game; maybe Booth should have attended game day skate

7. Emotional Booth skips skate; just latest in rich history of theatrical American Booths

8. Our solution: trade Booth for Vinny (news editorial)

9. Alain Vigneault still treating Cody Hodgson like dirt; Booth skips game day skate, still gets Hodgson’s minutes

10. Bring back Marco Sturm

Okay, maybe not that last one.

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16 comments

  1. Ablefish
    October 25, 2011

    LOL – hilarious post. Because I can seriously see any one of those titles as being either a ‘headline’ or the leadin for a talk show segment. I really wish more of the writers could look to reporting and writing interesting content rather than continually trying to ‘stir the pot’. If I want predictable negativity I’ll just go read the comments on yahoo sports.

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  2. Ablefish
    October 25, 2011

    Hmmm… and despite the fact that you’re trying to ‘stir the pot’ with other media, I didn’t mean you, Harrison!

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    • Harrison Mooney
      October 25, 2011

      Hey man, I know where the hits are. The trick is to stir the pot while blaming it on someone else.

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      • Jenny Wren
        October 25, 2011

        To all those who check “dislike”
        I think you should provide a clue
        To the reason for your distaste
        That is at least the troller’s due

        So on your hate elaborate
        Let a hot pink quarrel ensue
        So each can argue his/her case
        From a biased point of view

        From dialogue emerges truth
        Unless it’s that which you eschew
        Jump right in start a debate
        If only in a word or two

        Unless it is that you’re afraid
        Someone might check “dislike” on you

        Jenny Wren

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        • Jenny Wren
          October 25, 2011

          What’s to dislike it scans alright,
          And’s pertinent in what it says?
          It’s not a feather in your fez
          When it’s Jenny Wren you slight.

          Tell her with what you disagree!
          Or are you so filled with spite,
          And without bark to back your bite,
          Like sans testicles mon amis?

          What Jenny writes makes such good sense.
          I’m sure that’s something you can see.
          At least it seems that way to me,
          So why “dislike” that gives offence

          Without a bit of repartee?
          Oh do respond ASAP!

          The Olde Coot

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  3. ha
    October 25, 2011

    I laughed out loud at work! As the saying goes, it’s funny because it’s true. I could imagine basically all of these headlines being published.

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  4. J21
    October 25, 2011

    We laugh, but #5 is essentially what happened to Michael Grabner — the extrapolation of a sample size of one to a guy’s entire career to date. Remember when Scott Arniel said he wasn’t going into the corners enough in one particular Moose game? Grabner then suddenly had the reputation of “a player who avoids dirty areas” up until most any Canuck fan had actually ever seen him play. That was of course fans rather than media being stupid, but the two sides tend to be self-reinforcing, especially in Vancouver — home of the “self-fulfilling goalie graveyard.”

    BTW, Jim Jamieson’s grammar is making my cerebrum hurt.

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  5. Canuckles
    October 25, 2011

    No need to worry though. If Booth is, in fact, a lazy player, the Knowledgable editorial board of the province will be able to recommend some good trades to salvage his deal.

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  6. peanutflower
    October 25, 2011

    None of those potential headlines is as bad as “Worst Canucks ever: Most disappointing players to wear a Vancouver jersey” along with Marco’s picture, just to rub salt in his wound a little. Nice to see ya for three weeks Marco, but now you’re history and we are featuring you in this little montage. Bon voyage!

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    • gog
      October 25, 2011

      Out of curiousity, how many of those players would you consider to be “huge disappointments”? I looked at that list and thought “meh…” or “who?” except for Messier.

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      • peanutflower
        October 25, 2011

        I had the same reaction to the list.

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    • J21
      October 26, 2011

      That list was very clearly lifted from an HFBoards thread of the same topic, mentioning some of the same head-scratching names.

      What I learned is that all of the worst/most disappointing Canucks played bit parts when the team has been at its best (the last few years), in an era where pretty much all players are faster and stronger than they ever have been.

      So, like, none of the terrible rosters from the 1970s and 1980s even hold a candle to the apparently mass disappointments over the fact that Marc Bergevin didn’t score five hat tricks in his cup of coffee with the club, or injury callup Sven Butenschön wasn’t a 50-goal defenseman in his few games. “Disappointed!” (cf. Kevin Kline, A Fish Called Wanda)

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  7. ricardinho
    October 25, 2011

    PassItToBooth

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  8. ricardinho
    October 25, 2011

    btw tanned abs ARE hard work

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  9. invisibleairwaves
    October 25, 2011

    Let’s hope Booth can find a teammate who also made the adjustment from a small-market team like Florida to help him adjust to dealing with the local media. Let’s also hope that teammate is not Roberto Luongo.

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  10. madwag
    October 25, 2011

    Danielson’s recent post on Backhand Shelf is a must read! It’s awesomely funny.

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