Like Neo in the Matrix, Nathan Horton wants his phone call. The Bruins forward is evidently upset that Aaron Rome texted him an apology rather than calling him on the phone. While this could easily be seen as sour grapes, particularly after Horton’s Bruins still won the Stanley Cup, I can understand wanting a slightly more personal apology. What I don’t understand is dragging it out into the open in the media.

I didn’t think it was possible in this time of concussion sensitivity for the concussee to appear more unlikable than the concusser. It sucks that Horton was concussed and missed the rest of the Stanley Cup Final, just like it sucked for Mason Raymond to have his back broken. But a simple e-mail from the Bruins organization to Mike Gillis or someone else in the Canucks organization and this issue is resolved. Rome is a pretty nice guy and I’m sure he’d be accommodating to Horton, especially considering he reached out to him via text in the first place instead of just leaving it at the official apology that was sent through Mike Gillis.

But you know what? Horton’s right. Aaron Rome could have done more. Here are 12 ways that Aaron Rome should have apologized to Nathan Horton:

  1. Framed copy of the Calvin & Hobbes Sunday strip featuring the “I’m Very Sorry” song.
  2. “Hilarious” e-card.
  3. Shot-by-shot recreation of U2′s video for “The Sweetest Thing.”
  4. Skywriting over Boston.
  5. A handwritten note ending with “Will you forgive me? Check yes or no.”
  6. A trail of roses in Horton’s house leading upstairs like in the Buffy episode “Passion.” Note, I didn’t finish watching this episode, but I assume there was something really lovely and heartwarming waiting upstairs for Giles.
  7. Night out at the movies, but only if Mark Recchi says it’s okay.
  8. Comedy sketch on late night television, perhaps a Noches de Pasion Con Senor O’Brien sketch wherein Conando punches Aaron Rome through a window. Si, Conando!
  9. An extended bro hug with Ari Gold as a mediator, although Rome will have to  be careful not to mistime the hug or he might exacerbate the problem.
  10. Complimentary tickets to Game Four of the 2011 Stanley Cup Final.
  11. Singing telegram.
  12. A photo of Horton’s name on the Stanley Cup signed “Suck it up, buttercup. Love, Aaron Rome.”
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17 comments

  1. Chicky
    August 26, 2011

    Maybe Rome should’ve collapsed on the floor in front of Horton and curled up in the fetal position, would that have made Horton feel better?

    Sorry, I’m not filled with empathy for Horton, who’s concussion was so severe that they announced he “wouldn’t be able to fly” yet he magically appeared in Vancouver. Must have been a vanishing cabinet for Horton to transport so timely. Meanwhile Mason’s in a fricken brace fron neck to ass and we’re the bad guys?

    Ugh.

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  2. Innovation
    August 26, 2011

    After this, I hope Horton gets smoked again. You won the Stanley Cup in your first year making the playoffs and this is what you are talking about Nathan!?! Gimme a break.

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  3. Geoff
    August 26, 2011

    I was finally getting to a point where I could put my bitterness over the way the season ended behind me, and then Horton has to come out with this garbage and now I am back to square one.

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  4. peanutflower
    August 26, 2011

    And to add insult to injury was the way the article was actually a link to a Boston site, and not a Sun or Province article. It appears that Boston fans are equally as “classless” as Vancouver fans apparently are, particularly one Rob Alvarez. Dude, if you’re reading this, just stop. Anyway, if the Vancouver medical staff had seen fit to hustle a stretcher out for Mason to add to the drama, as they did for Horton (and it remains a mystery to this day and a truly cringeworthy fact that Mason walked off the ice with a broken back), the hit would have not garnered so much attention. Horton was interviewed in the park the next day with his family, travelled with the team, and to all intents and purposes was really not badly affected by the hit, but still wants an apology from Rome. Well, I say someone should take it upon themselves to make sure that Horton gets all of the PITB apologies listed above, one every day for 12 days.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      August 26, 2011

      It’ll be like the 12 days of Christmas, but with insincere apologies!

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      • Chicky
        August 29, 2011

        Anyway to get the geese to lay a fat one on his head?

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  5. Melissa W.
    August 26, 2011

    What do you want, Nathan? Chocolate hearts and bunnies? He apologized; its more than what your teammate did for Mason Raymond.

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  6. The Bookie
    August 26, 2011

    Mentally I keep seeing that scene from A Fish Called Called Wanda where Kevin Kline is trying to practice his apology to John Cleese:

    “Im sssss-, I’m very ssssss-, so sssss— F*!K YOUUU”

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  7. grumpiest
    August 26, 2011

    Will not soon forget what Giles found upstairs nor will I soon forget the goon squad from Boston. I say sic the quiet men from ‘Hush’ on these bastidges.

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  8. TubaNat
    August 26, 2011

    Yeah, this shouldn’t still make me as annoyed as it does, but Boston fans keep acting like he’s the only guy to get injured in the playoffs and somehow everyone needs to stop and make sure Nathan has a full juice box. I hope nobody comes to your next birthday Nathan Horton.
    Ok, well that’s too mean – but I hope they all come late and you get that awkward hour where it’s just you and the DJ.

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  9. gog
    August 27, 2011

    Option number 5 is obviously flawed, would be perfect if the answers were: “yes”, “no” and “maybe”….

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    • Daniel Wagner
      August 27, 2011

      Not according to George Strait (not to be confused with the Georgia Straight): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHxS8wlDngI

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      • Harrison Mooney
        August 27, 2011

        That is brutal.

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      • gog
        August 29, 2011

        I died a little bit inside from watching that, incredible.

        Could be a cultural thing, as a swede I’m pretty sure whenever Daniel hands Henrik a note asking for a lot of passes in the next game, the answers are yes, no & maybe. (and possibly yes – with some wizardry)

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  10. Drew
    August 29, 2011

    My favourite part was when Boychuk sent a heartfelt apology to Raymond for breaking his back in what is turning out to be an immeasurably worse injury…

    Oh wait, that never happened…

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  11. Anon
    August 29, 2011

    Someone hand this guy a pair of big girl panties. He needs them, badly.

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  12. charlieyankee
    August 30, 2011

    Horton, like the most of the rest of the Bruins, is a whining crybaby. He can dish it out, but he can’t take it.

    For what it’s worth, I don’t believe he had a concussion. I read somewhere that he had injured (separated?) his shoulder earlier in the playoffs. I suspect the shoulder was the real injury. Right after Rome’s 4-game suspension was handed down, Horton’s concussion was, miraculously, “mild.” Before the suspension, words like “serious” and “severe” were being thrown around.
    Johnny Boychuk “can-openers” Mason Raymond, breaks his back, and nothing happens. In the regular season, Zdeno Chara takes his hand off the end of his stick, puts it on Max Pacioretty’s head, ramming it into a turnbuckle, fracturing a vertebra in his neck AND giving him a concussion, and NOTHING HAPPENS. These are “hockey plays” with, sadly, unfortunate outcomes.

    This past season, there has been one set of rules for the Bruins, and another set of rules for everyone else. I guess some teams are more equal than others.

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