The NHL Awards are tonight and it’s an exciting time for Canucks fans as Daniel Sedin, Ryan Kesler, Roberto Luongo, Alain Vigneault, and Mike Gillis are all up for awards. It’s a fun time when all the hockey players dress up in fancy suits and take awkward red carpet photographs. Personally, I’d love to tune in and enjoy the show, but since Jay Mohr is hosting it, I won’t. I won’t enjoy it, so I won’t tune in. I know I will just get angry that they brought back the painfully unfunny Mohr for a second time hosting, when it appears that he doesn’t know anything about hockey. I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy (actually, I’m not sure of that at all, but I’ll assume), but it’s awkward hearing someone tell jokes about hockey when it seems like he doesn’t actually understand the jokes. Also, he’s terrible.

Did they ask anyone else to do it? Could they not think of anyone else to ask? Because I can think of a few people who would be better than Jay Mohr. Here are 10 better options:

1. Jon Hamm

Pros: He’s a legitimate hockey fan (with a ratty hat to prove it) and looks good in a suit. We know he can be classy and his stints hosting SNL have shown he has a remarkable aptitude for humor as well.

Cons: May bust into a spontaneous shirtless saxophone solo.

2. David Boreanaz

Pros: Actually plays hockey and is a longtime Philadelphia Flyers fan, though we won’t hold that against him. He has increased hockey’s profile in the public eye through his role as Federal Agent Seeley Booth on “Bones,” who is likewise a Flyers fan and an enforcer on the ice. He knows his way around comedy and, like Jon Hamm, looks good in a suit.

Cons: He’s a Philadelphia Flyers fan. Okay, I lied, we will hold that against him.

3. Denis Leary

Pros: He is a crazed hockey fan and even has his own backyard rink. He knows hockey, he’s funny, and wonderfully irreverent. It would be delightful to hear Leary rant about the state of the game.

Cons: Since he’s a massive Boston Bruins fan and an admitted ***hole, he’d spend the entire ceremony rubbing everyone’s faces in the Bruins’ Stanley Cup victory. Ugh.

4. Vince Vaughn

Pros: He is about as visible a hockey fan as you can get, sitting front row in Chicago like he’s Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game. Also, we’d be all but guaranteed to get at least one “I’m gonna make Wayne Gretzky’s head bleed” joke.

Cons: On his own, he’s just not that funny. As a supporting character, he’s fine, so if it was a co-host situation where he had someone to play off of, it could work. Also, he doesn’t look good in a suit.

5. Mike Myers

Pros: Incredibly dedicated Toronto Maple Leafs fan.

Cons: Showed his dedication by making “The Love Guru.”

6. Steve Carell

Pros: He played hockey all the way through college and apparently still plays in a men’s league. He’s also a pretty hilarious guy. He’s even shown a capability to combine hockey and comedy in the past. His self-effacing humor and general nice guy attitude would be thoroughly refreshing.

Cons: There are no cons. Steve Carell is amazing. Why would there be a con?

7. Cobie Smulders

Pros: She is blatantly biased towards the Canucks, How I Met Your Mother is huge, she’s funny, and she looks good in a suit. It would also be awesome to see a woman host the NHL Awards because we’re less likely to hear jokes about hockey players playing like girls.

Cons: Mason Raymond won’t be there.

8. Matthew Perry

Pros: He’s not Jay Mohr.

Cons: He’s Matthew Perry.

9. Jay Baruchel

Pros: A fan of old-time hockey and the co-writer and co-star of the upcoming hockey movie, “Goon,” Baruchel’s hockey cred is legit. He’s also a quirky guy with an oddball sense of humor, which would be a nice switch from, y’know, the not-humor-at-all of Jay Mohr.

Cons: He might be a little too weird for the NHL. Maybe.

10. Billy Crystal

Pros: He knows a thing or eight about hosting an awards show.

Cons: His only contact with hockey was “The Tooth Fairy.”

 

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10 comments

  1. Mary
    June 22, 2011

    A big YES to Smulders or Boreanaz! Actually – why not both of them? Other award shows sometimes have multiple hosts.

    If they had those two hosting, I’d actually PVR the darn awards show, rather than wait for segments to show up on NHL.com or Youtube.

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  2. PetriSkriko
    June 22, 2011

    What’s Kelly Hrudey doing in the header photo? Washroom dance?

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  3. PetriSkriko
    June 22, 2011

    And why can’t actual hockey players do it? I’d love to see Bieksa and Biznasty co-host. That’d be amazing.

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    • Parker
      June 22, 2011

      YES! I definitely vote for Bieksa and Biznasty! That would be epic. Although Cobie Smulders is a very close second.

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    • kim r
      June 22, 2011

      It would be. Too bad can’t give you three thumbs up for that comment.

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  4. Mark in Steveston
    June 22, 2011

    Any other year, Leary would be a lock.

    This year, it would be unbearable.

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  5. PeeSeeGee
    June 22, 2011

    Someone co-hosting with Biznasty is a must at some point.

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  6. Sarah
    June 22, 2011

    Hamm & Buble!!

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  7. By-Tor
    June 22, 2011

    Am I the only one that wants Raffi Torres to win an award so we can see what he’d look like on the red carpet? I imagine it would look hilarious.

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  8. kim r
    June 22, 2011

    I’m not seeing the issue with a shirtless David Boreanaz.

    Totally agree on #6. You need to be running the NHL.

    Or you are probably too smart to.

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