Game Three of the Stanley Cup Final was a debacle. That’s an unassailable fact. After a hard-fought first period where the Canucks were arguably the better team, they imploded in the second period, right around the time Alex Edler’s stick exploded. It was painful. It was ugly. It was embarrassing.

But it could have been worse. So, in honor of the 8 goals that the Bruins scored on Monday, here are 8 ways that everything could have been even more embarrassing than it already was.

1. Mason Raymond’s dad could have insisted on dropping him off right in front of the arena in his ’95 Buick Roadmaster instead of just down the block.

2. The Canucks could have come out of the first intermission with their skate guards still on, pratfalling all over the place.

3. The crew at TD Gardens could have accented every attempted Canucks shot or hit with a comical “boing,” “doink,” or “awooga!” sound effect.

4. Mark Wahlberg and Tie Domi could have shown up to the game in the same outfit. Talk about awkward

5. While verbally taunting Milan Lucic, Alex Burrows could have accidentally referred to him as “Mom.”

6. Instead of just getting beat on Brad Marchand’s shorthanded goal, Ryan Kesler’s hockey pants could have fallen down, tripping him and revealing to everyone that he was wearing pink polka-dot boxers.

7. The Kiss Cam could have landed on Shawn Thornton and Henrik Sedin just as Thornton was calling him a “cussing homo.”

8. Boston could have scored 9 goals. Can you imagine? After 9 goals, I definitely would have pulled Luongo.

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12 comments

  1. Harrison Mooney
    June 8, 2011

    I still think “Two words: boner alert” would have made a good number eight. But I can see why you went in a different direction.

    http://youtu.be/e0me5mr_Ggc

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  2. Mikita's Helmet
    June 8, 2011

    RE: After 9 goals, I definitely would have pulled Luongo.

    Vigneault would’ve left him in.

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  3. PetriSkriko
    June 8, 2011

    7. (cont’d) As Kiss Huggins looked on tearfully.

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  4. PetriSkriko
    June 8, 2011

    8(b). In an attempted super-prank (with all the extra time on his hands), Ballard hides in Horton’s hockey bag, only to awaken hours later scared and confused.

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  5. Something She Dated
    June 8, 2011

    Fantastic!! Totally brought a much-needed smile to my face…

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    • Harrison Mooney
      June 8, 2011

      That’s what we’re here for. Pass it to Bulis, the Patch Adams of hockey blogs.

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      • vancityt
        June 8, 2011

        So, on the off-days it’s Patch it to Bulies…

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        • Daniel Wagner
          June 8, 2011

          This shouldn’t be anywhere near as funny as it is.

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  6. BruinsAreAlive
    June 8, 2011

    The Canucks just gave up.

    It is 4-0 in Game 4, and it’s so obvious. The team that never won the Cup shows us why. They were happy and content after Game 2. Their biggest moment was that they actually bit a Bruin and got away with it. They face adversity, and they want to go back home to mommy.

    Checkmate, Nuck Fans.

    PS: People laugh at the originality of the term “Sedin Sisters”. It’s not about originality. It’s what everyone thinks of them.

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  7. ryan
    June 8, 2011

    #9 – if followed by game 4

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  8. BECanucks
    June 8, 2011

    That’s ok… It’s a second coming of the Voldemort game… Which will be followed by us being shut out, and then we will win like there is no tomorrow. Benn there, done that.

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  9. love_nux
    June 9, 2011

    This is me every time I imagine number 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKm5xQyD2vE&feature=youtu.be
    =P

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