Mike Murphy’s ruling on the Alex Burrows/Patrice Bergeron incident — in which Burrows “allegedly” bit Bergeron during a Game 1 scrum — was a little difficult for some people to accept. However, it wasn’t so much a question of whether or not it was a suspendable offense. Most of the scoffing came from the Murphy’s statement, which asserted, “I can find no conclusive evidence that Alex Burrows intentionally bit the finger of Patrice Bergeron.”
No conclusive evidence? Look, I’m fine with Murphy’s decision not to suspend Burrows for what I assume are obvious reasons, but let’s get serious here.
If Murphy can’t find proof that Burrows bit Bergeron, I’m concerned about how he might view other clear-cut instances of biting. My suspicion? Murphy has a blind spot when it comes to bites.
None of the following scenarios would surprise me.
Tough call, this one. For all we know, the Coppertone dog was already gnawing on these bathing shorts when the little girl stepped into them.
No one will step forward to corroborate claims that Dracula bit them.
Murphy has a really hard time with Jaws of any kind.
See what I mean?
No argument here. McGruff has immunity, as far as I’m concerned.
Adam and Eve kind of wish Murphy had been the disciplinarian in the Garden of Eden.
Murphy really struggles with forbidden fruit.
No witnesses. The Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde keep turning blue and running away, and even Ms. Pac Man refuses to testify.
Kenan Thompson has been in some awful movies.
Hard to say where Peter Parker got his super powers from.
If you’re interested in participating in my little photoshop party, the Mike Murphy cutout is available for you here.Tags: Burrows, featured, mike murphy's missed bites, photoshop, Questionable Comedic Content, spotlight