So bored…
Thanks to a clutch game 6 victory over the Nashville Predators on Monday and a surprising surge from the Detroit Red Wings, taking the San Jose Sharks to 7 games, the Vancouver Canucks are in the middle of a 5-day break with no games. And it’s taking forever. Seriously, it’s killing me. What am I supposed to do, watch the NBA playoffs? And be reminded that Vancouver could have both the Canucks and the Grizzlies in the playoffs right now? Ugh, no thanks.
Instead, PITB has created this handy list of ways to kill the next few days with a minimum of muss and fuss.
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1. Use a company Twitter account to make a political statement on a controversial issue. There’s no chance it could go wrong and it will provide minutes of fun!
2. Start a campaign to get someone on Twitter using Twitter. #TwitterNeedsJuice
3. Go outside and enjoy the 5 minutes of beautiful weather each day.
4. Compare the positive and negative traits of the San Jose Sharks and Detroit Red Wings constantly. Form a firm opinion on who you want the Canucks to face. Argue vehemently with other Canucks fans. Change your mind the next day.
5. Get Winnipeg all worked up. (Hey Winnipeg! You might have two teams next year!)
6. Sleep until Sunday. If necessary, induce a temporary coma by reading the hockey experts at the Toronto Star.
7. Spread a rumour that every member of the Canucks is an android. Cite, as evidence, the frequent usage of the phrase “recharge the batteries” during this week’s player interviews.
8. Muster outrage when you discover the rest of Canada isn’t rallying behind your team. Ignore the fact you stop watching hockey entirely when the Canucks are eliminated.
9. Without a trace of self-awareness, mock the Sharks for blowing a 3-0 series lead.
10. Watch Glendale City Council meetings on public access television. Become outraged. While doing this, note the irony that similar city council meetings that actually pertain to your tax dollars are aired on your public access station, and you couldn’t be bothered to watch.
11. Start a Canucks.com message board thread about Alain Vigneault’s greatest coaching failure: his refusal to split up the Sedins.
12. Ignore that the Canucks are still in the playoffs and start your annual “Trade Luongo and the Sedins” campaign right on time.
13. Debate the playoff ramifications of Orca whales appearing in Burrard Inlet.
14. Read a book: I recommend “A Game of Thrones.” If reading isn’t your thing, watch “A Game of Thrones” on HBO. If watching isn’t your thing, good. Being a voyeur is kind of creepy.
15. Read through the Best of PITB.
16. Vehemently argue that Ryan Kesler should have been named Captain. Cite Barry Trotz’s comparison of Kesler to Messier as evidence. Ignore that Messier was at his best while playing with a softer, more skilled Captain.
17. NFL training camps should be starting up right about now, right?
18. Participate in annual offseason speculation about whether Jaromir Jagr will return to the NHL, a tradition known as Jagtoberfest.
19. Watch the game between the Sharks and Red Wings. Or, if your interest level is low because your team isn’t involved, just do what Don Cherry does: fill time talking about Doug Gilmour for some reason.
20. Think: it’s been seventeen years since there was Canucks hockey in Mid-May. What do you normally do?
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Erik
May 12, 2011What, no mention of watching the Worlds? It’s not much, but seeing Canada play the Russians is always fun (no, that game in January never happened).
Daniel Wagner
May 12, 2011But the games are on at such an inconvenient time…
Harrison Mooney
May 12, 2011And now Canada’s out. #moot
YODA
May 12, 201121)
Analysis the past 13 games to forecast the next ?? however many for the Canucks.
Detroit point of view
Canucks who finished 1st in there Division (only one team from the northwest made the playoffs) won there conference and the presidents trophy took to 7 games to beat the worst team making the palyoffs in the west then took 6 games to defeat the team that finished 5th
Detroit swept the team that fiished 6th and are going to a 7th game against a team that finished ahead of them in second.
All i hear is Kesler for the Conn Smyth……..is anybody in Vanc. watching any other games
To me its Datsyuk he is plus 9 Kes is plus 6, Datsyuk has 14 points in 10 games Kes 15 in 13 games??
Kes is in the running for second with Clowe, M St Louis and in my book L Couture!!
Yes Kes had the one awesome game against Chicago but other than that he is only doing what you expect of an assistant captain with 73 points in 82 games……Its not that he playing so well on a relatively healthy team but that the team leaders are playing so poorly!! Both Sedins -8
If Detroit gets in tonight Luongo will have te worst won / lost record of any teams advancing!!
Plus Daniel should send Crosby a thank you letter re the overall scoring title
When Crosby was hurt he was accumlating points @ 1.65 per game , Daniel was 1.25
But as the GREAT onr “99″ used to saw the dont ask how they ask how many!!
Crosby nearly a half a goal per game better………
peanutflower
May 12, 2011Whoops, I meant to hit the dislike button here. People who can’t spell and use poor grammar can’t post on this board. Sorry. Now go away.
VancityMike
May 12, 2011Any possible accurate analysis from Yoda is lost in a jumble of misspelled words and absent punctuation. His message failed to get through to this reader.
Slow down posters! Take a breath, re-read your posts before submitting and pay attention in Grade 5 English!
PetriSkriko
May 12, 2011Stunning analysis. Stunning. Very topical and relevant as well.
I’m always interested in the opinions of trolls, and what goes through THEIR little minds…
hs
May 12, 2011Get reacquainted with your family. Find out what’s been going on in your kid’s live for the last couple of weeks, put in “quality time” to make up for round 3. Restock the game watching party food and beverages. Buy another Canucks flag for your car.
Pepe Silvia
May 12, 2011“13. Debate the playoff ramifications of Orca whales appearing in Burrard Inlet.”
Don’t forget we also had a bonafide double rainbow over gm place when we eliminated the Hawks. If that’s not some sign from above I don’t know what is. Maybe the Loch Ness will pop up for the hat trick.
cardinal sin
May 12, 2011one could always write a poem:
murders, rapes and prison escapes
my entertainment for today
organic crepes and plastic drapes
which should be purchased right away
weather reports and news on sports
all concerning my need to know
with cures for warts and paid escorts
i should see alice before i go
terrorist plots and new hot spots
it seems i am to think about
and liver spots and blood that clots
i need to see my doc no doubt
thus i refuse to watch the news
to not confuse the life i choose
PetriSkriko
May 12, 2011Glad you brought up Grapes on Dougie Gilmour. What was that all about?? He didn’t even have a segue, just launched right in, barely able to conceal his disinterest in the series at hand.
“Watch this one, watch this, watch this, watch this… isn’t he a beauty? Good! Canadian! Kid!”
Dave
May 12, 2011I’m taking my daughter to an amusement park for her birthday – luckily the break came at just the right time.
gog
May 12, 2011I really think you should start planning how to smuggle in, and then throw a full sized orca whale onto the ice. It would be epic…
Also, the reason to not watch the Worlds isn’t the time it’s played, rather that it’s boring. I’m living in Europe and I haven’t watched a single game, though I do watch the NHL games even if they usually start at 1-3 in the night.
Harrison Mooney
May 12, 2011Throwing an orca onto the ice is the best idea ever.
vancityt
May 12, 2011Sigh. Ennui. Calm before the calamity!
Say, I have to say to you PITB, writers and regulars: Have you noticed a distinct upsurge in the levity/funny sportswriters have taken? I think it has to do with PITB! Writers who’ve never taken such a course of reportage are now trying a looser hand, and it can only make for better reading everywhere.
PITB for MVP in the sports-writing world!
Now back to my temporary ennui.
alviator
May 12, 2011Load up PITB, repeatedly hit F5 to check for new posts.
beninvictoria
May 12, 2011I vote we spend our time freezing a shark into the ice at Rogers Arena, like they did with that toonie at the Olympics, but slightly more morbid. also make it an octopus if Detroit wins. this will really freak opposing players out, trust me
Nick
May 14, 2011You forgot the question marks around “experts” in #6.
Not to nitpick or anything…
piker
May 17, 2011Go to Whitecaps, stand with the Southsiders, and learn how to really support the home team!
Brad
May 19, 2011This is just the info. im looking for, thank you!