Thanks to a clutch game 6 victory over the Nashville Predators on Monday and a surprising surge from the Detroit Red Wings, taking the San Jose Sharks to 7 games, the Vancouver Canucks are in the middle of a 5-day break with no games. And it’s taking forever. Seriously, it’s killing me. What am I supposed to do, watch the NBA playoffs? And be reminded that Vancouver could have both the Canucks and the Grizzlies in the playoffs right now? Ugh, no thanks.
Instead, PITB has created this handy list of ways to kill the next few days with a minimum of muss and fuss.
1. Use a company Twitter account to make a political statement on a controversial issue. There’s no chance it could go wrong and it will provide minutes of fun!
2. Start a campaign to get someone on Twitter using Twitter. #TwitterNeedsJuice
3. Go outside and enjoy the 5 minutes of beautiful weather each day.
4. Compare the positive and negative traits of the San Jose Sharks and Detroit Red Wings constantly. Form a firm opinion on who you want the Canucks to face. Argue vehemently with other Canucks fans. Change your mind the next day.
5. Get Winnipeg all worked up. (Hey Winnipeg! You might have two teams next year!)
6. Sleep until Sunday. If necessary, induce a temporary coma by reading the hockey experts at the Toronto Star.
7. Spread a rumour that every member of the Canucks is an android. Cite, as evidence, the frequent usage of the phrase “recharge the batteries” during this week’s player interviews.
8. Muster outrage when you discover the rest of Canada isn’t rallying behind your team. Ignore the fact you stop watching hockey entirely when the Canucks are eliminated.
9. Without a trace of self-awareness, mock the Sharks for blowing a 3-0 series lead.
10. Watch Glendale City Council meetings on public access television. Become outraged. While doing this, note the irony that similar city council meetings that actually pertain to your tax dollars are aired on your public access station, and you couldn’t be bothered to watch.
11. Start a Canucks.com message board thread about Alain Vigneault’s greatest coaching failure: his refusal to split up the Sedins.
12. Ignore that the Canucks are still in the playoffs and start your annual “Trade Luongo and the Sedins” campaign right on time.
13. Debate the playoff ramifications of Orca whales appearing in Burrard Inlet.
14. Read a book: I recommend “A Game of Thrones.” If reading isn’t your thing, watch “A Game of Thrones” on HBO. If watching isn’t your thing, good. Being a voyeur is kind of creepy.
15. Read through the Best of PITB.
16. Vehemently argue that Ryan Kesler should have been named Captain. Cite Barry Trotz’s comparison of Kesler to Messier as evidence. Ignore that Messier was at his best while playing with a softer, more skilled Captain.
17. NFL training camps should be starting up right about now, right?
18. Participate in annual offseason speculation about whether Jaromir Jagr will return to the NHL, a tradition known as Jagtoberfest.
19. Watch the game between the Sharks and Red Wings. Or, if your interest level is low because your team isn’t involved, just do what Don Cherry does: fill time talking about Doug Gilmour for some reason.
20. Think: it’s been seventeen years since there was Canucks hockey in Mid-May. What do you normally do?Tags: Blogs are for lists, boredom, Canucks, coach's corner, featured, Questionable Comedic Content