It takes 12 wins to make it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Bearing this in mind, after exactly 12 games, why aren’t the Canucks there yet? Why, I ask you, are they still toiling away in the second round, a round they could have completed as many as four games ago? The answer is simple: because Daniel and Henrik Sedin are a combined minus-14.
If you want to blame anybody for the fact that the Canucks have yet to win a Stanley Cup in 40 attempts, blame the Sedins, who have apparently been on the ice for 14 goals against. It’s a shocking statistic, made even more shocking by combining it with Christian Ehrhoff’s plus minus for some reason. Now, the Sedins and Ehrhoff are a combined minus-21.
21 goals against? Why is Alain Vigneault even playing these guys?
Worse, why is he playing these guys for a combined 41:05 a night, over two-thirds of the game? It’s a travesty, really, and Alain Vigneault seems incapable of keeping their time on ice low. In fact, their total icetime seems to increase with each game they play.
This is in direct contravention to Vigneault’s first round strategy, in which he claimed he would be attempting to limit the Sedins’ shifts to between 30 and 35 seconds, no doubt because they’re terrible. Instead, their average shift length this postseason is a combined 1:21!
Fire this coach.
Despite such ineptness, however, the Canucks remain one of only eight teams in the playoffs. How is this even possible when the statistics belie their Stanley Cup potential?
Because Ryan Kesler has emerged as a bona fide superstar, carrying the team on his back all through the second round. It’s a remarkable feat, but it’s also dangerous, and cannot be expected to continue. Assuming a person is physically of normal height to weight ratio ranges, he can reasonably be expected to be capable of carrying 50% of his body weight across the road. Now, as a trained athlete, Kesler may have a greater hauling capacity, but the combined weight of the Vancouver Canucks is roughly 3,841 pounds. Ryan Kesler can not be expected to carry nearly two tons worth of teammates every game. The average hockey player skates about 13 miles per game; that’s a much greater distance than across the road.
I guess the Sedins can’t be expected to help carry the load. Their arms are full of Art Ross and Hart trophies, which must be pretty easy to win if Joel Ward can match their point totals, combined. Joel Ward makes a paltry $8,065 a day. The Sedins make a combined $12,200,000 a year. It’s a shocking disparity. Needless to say, each of the Sedins need to play to their combined salary.
They need to play bigger. They’re a combined 12 feet tall, but you’d never know it from the way they play. They need to shoot the puck more. Their playoff shooting percentage is a combined 13.6. Coupled with the 14.3 percentage of Alex Burrows, who has been returned to their wing, the shooting percentage of Vancouver’s top line is 27.9, so they should score on every fourth shot they take tonight.
If you combine the letters on the back of their jerseys (H. Sedin + D. Sedin), then rearrange them, you get Send Hindside. If the Canucks want to put the Predators behind them, they’ll have to get 220% from the Sedins.
For a more reasonable take on this issue, check out Daniel’s scene-setting piece.Tags: bad math, bad satire, Canucks, Daniel, featured, good grief, Henrik, I can't believe this has to be said, Predators, round 2, Sedins, Statistics