Most Canuck fans are good people. They just want to see their team win, and they’re pretty used to that not happening. As a result, they’re resigned, they’re relaxed, and they have a tendency to keep their heads. Unfortunately, they are only the majority of Canucks fans, which means that, somewhere, there is a minority of insane, violent, awful human beings who happen to share a love for Vancouver’s hockey team.
A word to this minority: we don’t want you. You’re bad. Go elsewhere.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: am I bad? Am I an awful human being? Perhaps. But we at PITB don’t just want to leave you in the dark. We would like very much to help identify you. And then shun you.
With that in mind, we spent the weekend creating this very scientific quiz, which should help to evaluate how awful you are. It’s only three questions long, so you should know if you’re an awful human being within five minutes:
1. It’s 1994. The Canucks have just fallen one goal short of winning the Stanley Cup, bringing great pride to the city of Vancouver with a performance for the ages. Do you:a) Congratulate the team on making Vancouver proudb) Destroy Vancouver2. It’s 2004. Todd Bertuzzi has just broken Steve Moore’s neck. Do you:a) Blame the guy who broke a guy’s neck
b) Blame the guy whose neck just got broken
3. It’s 2011. Theoren Fleury has just espoused his opinion that the Canucks are primed for a first-round playoff upset. Do you:
a) Respectfully disagree with him
b) Enable child molesters by persecuting a victim for speaking out about it
Yeah, if you answered B to any one of these three questions, we’d prefer if you took your fandom elsewhere. Oh. And if you answered B to all three, you’re clearly Satan.
By the by, if you’re a non-awful Vancouver fan with a question you think might help skim out the dreck, by all means, leave it in the comments.