So Tanner Glass thinks we’re witty. He’s right, too. We’re the Oscar Wilde of Canucks blogs*. All over the blogosphere, people talk of our biting wit, flamboyant dress, and glittering conversation. Anyway, here’s Tanner, talking about our impending Scrabble Battle (the Battle at Helm’s Deep of athlete versus blogger board game battles) in his latest blog for Canucks.com:

Also coming up in the next two weeks will be the much-anticipated Scrabble Challenge against the guys from Pass It To Bulis. I’ve been trying to practice here and there, but to be honest, I’m most looking forward to raising money for the Canucks for Kids Fund. T-shirts will be available soon, so keep your eyes peeled. I’ll make sure to give another update after the event to make sure you guys don’t just get the Pass It To Bulis point of view with their witty banter. Wish me luck!

Wish me luck, he says. Ha! Forget that noise. Wish me luck (#TeamMooney)! It’s time I came right out and said it. Too many of you are smitten with Tanner because of his underdog status. Everybody’s on #TeamGlass. Friends, family, and Bulies can’t help but love him.

I say Tanner’s goodness is a brilliant ploy. He sounds like the nicest guy in the world. You think he’s that nice naturally? I say bah. With a bevy of media people telling me how to behave, I’d seem good too. Instead, I’m the monomaniacal nerd everyone wants to fail. It’s all marketing!** I mean, come on. Listen to him, coyly trying to make it seem as though he’s not practicing day and night. I see through Tanner’s strategy. He’s playing possum. Know how I know? Photographic evidence. Know how else I know? Steven Turnbull. There’s a conspiracy here. I’m about to blow your mind.

You’ll recall, in Derek Jory’s article, a lengthy section detailing the importance of the first move, as per Steven Turnbull, Scrabble genius/Facebook addict and mayor of Lashburn, Saskatchewan. I found this entire section suspicious. Why is Turnbull so available for a quote? How come he never returns my calls? Then I realized: Tanner Glass is from Saskatchewan. Glass and Turnbull are in cahoots. Heck, Turnbull might even be tutoring Glass nightly. The Canucks probably fly him into Vancouver every evening on the team jet. I mean, he’s definitely got the time. He’s the mayor of a city, and he admits to playing 100 games of Scrabble on Facebook a day. Do the Lashburn voters know what their elected official is doing?

I do, gosh darn it. He’s teaching Glass everything he knows. He’s the Pai Mei to Tanner’s Beatrix Kiddo, the Master Roshi to Tanner Glass’s young Goku. Soon, Glass will have a Scrabbling level of over 9000, and he has the audacity to say we’re witty, hoping that flattery will disguise his diabolical strategies. Well, Tanner, we aren’t just witty; we’re wise to you.

Mind you, being wise to something does not equal being able to prevent something. I’m probably screwed.

I cannot stress the importance of that first move. Please (please! please!) donate on my behalf. Also, go buy shirts. The Canucks only printed 150, and if you want them to print more, this first shipment’s gonna have to sell out in a hurry. Let’s keep them stocked in the team store for awhile. They look really good there.

*We have nothing else in common with Oscar Wilde.
**I once tried to use this excuse to get out of vacuuming, but my wife would have none of it.

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7 comments

  1. The Belgian Canucks Fan
    February 18, 2011

    I'm lauging so hard, I've tears in my eyes.
    Excellent

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  2. Wisp
    February 18, 2011

    I just bought three.

    Not all for myself, of course, but my sister wanted one. And if my sister wanted one, I can't leave out my kid brother.

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  3. Anonymous
    February 18, 2011

    I may or may not have just ingested some less than legal substance but I've been a reader since just about the playoffs last year (pretty sure the first thing I read was the canucks bandwagon fan cheat sheet) when I started to turn to the blogs after I found I didn't like posting on the canucks forums very much.

    And just now I realized why I enjoy your blog so much more than others. Most bloggers are internet addicts and pop culture geeks deep down inside. Seems like your average semi popular blogger will sneak a simpsons reference or what have you in here and there as a little inside joke.

    But you guys I can have your finger on the pulse, and it's really nice. I feel like there's jokes and references just for me sprinkled about almost every article. You guys are great, don't stop. Besides that I have watched every game this year too and I love to compare notes and see if you guys noticed the same things I did. I really love this team and it's cool to know that there is level headed and humorous fans out there keeping things simple and refreshing.

    kudos

    -Anonymous

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  4. Anonymous
    February 18, 2011

    I heartily agree…..fantastic blog. Just started reading this blog in November…..I Watched This Game is especially good. I have been following the Canucks since 2002, but I've never played hockey outside of shinny, so I find that I miss the little details sometimes when I watch or go to a game. I Watched This Game fills in the gaps.

    I pledged for Team Mooney. Suck it Tanner! : )

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  5. Anonymous
    February 18, 2011

    Plan Master Tanner Glass? Why Mr. Mooney, are you possibly Out For Blood? ;)

    I will be trying very hard to buy a shirt tomorrow, for my sister as well. Good luck you guys!

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  6. Gabrielle
    February 19, 2011

    I watched the Canucks podcast about favourite apps, and Tanner Glass didn't even mention Scrabble!! Maybe he's just trying to throw you off the trail…
    Daniel said that he and Henrik liked to play the scrabble app, though. Maybe you could have a game against both of them!
    (On second thought, you would be no match for their telepathic powers…)

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  7. Jbiz14
    February 19, 2011

    Wish we could order them online…although the heat generated by the Flames fanbase climbing back onto the bandwagon is melting the snow..I probably wont be able to get out there for a couple months.Best of Luck guys

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