Cody Hodgson’s Dark Times, Part 2: Now With Hilarious Reader Submissions

If you’re new to Cody Hodgson’s dark times, I recommend you go back and read the original post that led to this one. If, however, you’re averse to doing research just to get a pretty lame joke, here’s a short primer: in an intermission segment about Cody Hodgson’s injury troubles, the narration included the hyperbolic statement “The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.” Skeeter and I started riffing on the phrase and its potential responses. Soon, a PITB-only meme was born. Here are a few original examples:

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: It was a good pass, too. Tape-to-tape. I had the whole net to shoot at.
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    I cast magic missile at the darkness. It didn’t work very well.

As you can see, the joke has myriad possibilities, and the Bulie response to this joke was maybe (read: definitely) funnier than the original post. After the jump, proof that we have awesome readers:

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    That tanning bed was the worst prank Keith Ballard ever pulled on me, but now I’m okay.
    —Qris Johnson
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    I’m still getting used to indoor plumbing and microwave ovens.
    —Aixtek
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: I look back on my time as a scientologist not as something to learn from but something to never ever tell anyone about ever.
    —Qris Johnson
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    The dark times are beginning for Narrator…
    —Van City slicker
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    My dark times were nothin’ compared to Joan d’Arc times. Seriously, dude, talk to Glass about that. He majored in history.
    —Anonymous
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson
    Hodgson:
    Yeah I realize now Wish You Were Here is a more solid album start to finish.
    —Section 312
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Destroying the ring was tough, but it simply had to be done. I admit, I’ll miss the power of invisibility…
    —Captain Morgan

I’m kind of ashamed at how long it took for me to get that this was a Temple of Doom reference.


  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    The evil start in Pankot. Then like monsoon, it moves darkness over all country.
    —Michael
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    At first I was discouraged by the diagnosis, but the doctors assured me that if Michael Jackson could live with Vitiligo so could I.
    —Jason
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    What can I say? All that was left from the turkey was white meat.
    —Anonymous
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson
    Hodgson:
    Actually, the dark times just start later in Vancouver, what with time zones and all. I’m expecting them to return in say three hours-ish.
    —Anonymous

I love the sudden aggression in this one.


  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    I got your dark times right here.
    —FanZone2010
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Groundhogs everywhere are predicting an early Spring.
    —A Wellwood

I hate when this happens.

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Oh thank God, I thought rehab would never end. *gets attacked by feral cats*
    —Captain Morgan
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    You can read all my experiences in my upcoming memoir, Black Ice: How I Was Drafted by the Atlanta Thrashers.
    —Michael
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson
    Hodgson:
    The power came back on.
    —By-Tor

I’m assuming the old drama teacher was fired, with just cause.

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Our new drama teacher isn’t allowed to make us wear blackface.
    —Qris Johnson
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Admittedly, it’s weird to name a kidney stone, but I had grown rather attached to it.
    —Jason

This one explains a lot.

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: My injury addiction is behind me for good now.
    —Ryan

This one needs explaining.

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    I must correct you, my friend. Believe me, it is still there, you just cannot see it as it is utterly transparent and ultimately, undetectable. It is, in fact a huge part of what makes up Cody Hodgson as well as everyone any everything around us
    —ricardinho
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Yeah I was real freaked out but Ballard says it’s just a solar eclipse.
    —beninvictoria
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson
    Hodgson: We just had to slingshot round that side of the moon to get enough momentum. Was pretty freaky being out of communication though.
    —PeeCeeGee
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Yeah, Coach said that was just a practice jersey.
    —beninvictoria
  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    It took me until my second game, but I finally scored an NHL goal.
    —By-Tor

Wherever there’s a special moment for a young person, one man can be found.


  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    Well I real-
    Kanye:
    Yo Hodgson, Imma let chu finish but Donnie Darko had some of the darkest times of all time. OF ALL TIME!
    —Reece


And finally, when you have a joke with such a tight structure, someone is going to defy every ounce of it. Here’s JTam with the most elaborate entry ever.

  • Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson:
    The dark times were rough, but it had to be done. Remember our conversation two years ago?

    ________________________________________


    Narrator:
    The haters won. Luongo’s Captaincy, everything he fought for – undone. Any chance you gave us at fixing our team dies with Luongo’s reputation. We bet it all on him. The haters took the best of us and tore him down. People will lose hope.
    Hodgson:
    They won’t. They must never know what he did.
    Narrator:
    7 goals! You can’t sweep that up!
    Hodgson:
    No. But the haters cannot win. Vancouver needs its true hero.
    Narrator:
    No!
    Hodgson:
    “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” I can do those things because I’m not in the NHL, not like Luongo. I have a bad back! That’s what I can be.
    Narrator:
    No, no! You can’t, your back!
    Hodgson:
    I’m whatever Vancouver needs me to be. Call it in.
    Narrator:
    They’ll hunt you.
    Hodgson:
    You’ll hunt me. You’ll condemn me, set the fans on me. Because that’s what needs to happen. Because sometimes… our play isn’t good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
    Young Canucks Fan:
    Hodgson? Hodgson! Why is he running, Narrator?
    Narrator:
    Because we have to make ridiculous stories about him and his injury.
    Young Canucks Fan:
    He didn’t do anything wrong.
    Narrator:
    Because he’s the NHLer Vancouver deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we’ll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Prospect.

    ________________________________________


    Narrator:
    So, uh, how’s your back?
    Hodgson:
    Not cool.
    —JTam

Well, that was fun. Feel free to keep this joke alive in the comments. We will gladly do another of these posts in the future.
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20 comments

  1. Jadedkrystal
    February 6, 2011

    Hee, I read a lot of these in the comments from the original post. Still fun!

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah, the goth look didn't really suit me.

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  2. Anonymous
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Well.. it took a while but I've stopped worrying about all the silly trade proposals the fans of other NHL teams make involving me. Vancouver is a classy organization and I look forward to helping them bring home a cup when I play for them.

    -Azial

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  3. Mack McCorkindale
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Thank God I'm not in Winnipeg anymore.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Being stuck with Dan Cloutier's number means they never will Narrator, they never will.

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  4. MeatNazzyGuy
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: For a few moments there I was sure I was going to be drafted by the Leafs.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Maybe, but that penny in the fuse box isn't going to last much longer.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yes, although Anakin will be missed dearly.

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  5. Anonymous
    February 6, 2011

    Ricardinho's post is referencing dark matter.

    -Planar

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  6. gog
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah, when I found out I was the spawn of Bhaal, it was tough. But now it's just Pronger left and then I'm the new Lord of Murder.

    (only for those who've played Baldur's Gate…)

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  7. Gabrielle
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Cody Hodgson: When that band of Orcs captured me I thought I was a goner for sure.

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  8. Anonymous
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Cody Hodgson Once past the event horizon,I resigned myself to never returning.

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  9. Gabrielle
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Cody Hodgson: Yeah, well, when you live in Antarctica, there's only sunshine half the year round, and I didn't have electricity in my igloo.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Cody Hodgson: I turned from the dark side and decided to become a Jedi.

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  10. Reece
    February 6, 2011

    Darkest times Photoshop Contest?

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  11. Harrison Mooney
    February 6, 2011

    @Planar: That's what I figured. That said, I like the idea that it simultaneously references dark matter AND the deep-seated emotional darkness that lives within each of us. Cody Hodgson's dark times haven't passed, just as it's impossible for anybody's dark times to pass entirely.

    /philosophy

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  12. beninvictoria
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah the lady at the gap said to try more pastels.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: That's racist, but yeah I guess I'm just not that into rap music anymore.

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: For serious?!!? Oh thank God!

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah I use white tape on my stick for home games…..how is this still a story?!

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  13. Daniel "Skeeter" Wagner
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah, I just put in a load of whites.

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  14. ricardinho
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Fo shizzle my nizzle. big ups brooklyn~~
    http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/page/foshizzlemynizzle-7554.jpg

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  15. JF
    February 6, 2011

    Narrator: The dark times have passed for Cody Hodgson.
    Hodgson: Yeah, that's what Darren Pang said.

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  16. PeeCeeGee
    February 6, 2011

    I believe the slingshot comment would be mine and that is a reference to the Apollo 13 mission.

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  17. Harrison Mooney
    February 6, 2011

    My bad, PeeCeeGee. No idea how it wound up misattributed.

    In any case, I caught the reference (and laughed), but only because I watched the movie, like, two weeks ago. I forgot how it ended and it made everything really, really intense.

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  18. Dueling Futons
    February 7, 2011

    Narrator: The Dark Times have passed for Cody Hodgson
    Mike Milbury: Over Eberle? That is ridiculous – they're going to regret that one.
    Doc Emrick: What do you think this means for the rest of the draft Mike?
    Milbury: Well you know, Doc, this reminds me a whole lot about what happened with Sidney Crosby.
    Emrick: What are you talking about Mike? This is nothing like the Crosby draft situation, he went first overa….
    Milbury: The NHL is nothing without Sidney Crosby
    Emrick: Mike chill out, you're getting a bit carried away. Not to mention your Sidney Crosby connections never make sense anyway
    Milbury: Sidney Crosby, Sidney Crosby, Sidney Crosby. That's all I have to say about the Hodgson situation.
    Hodgson: Guys, WTF? I just got drafted 10th overall. I thought you were going to interview me or something
    Milbury: Who's this guy? Hey Doc, let's run that Crosby slideshow that we got from NHL.com.

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  19. Anonymous
    February 7, 2011

    Sweet. I made the 'top-10' (if I were keeping track, which I'm not, really I'm not…) Thanks for the edit; it works better that way.

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  20. Harrison Mooney
    February 7, 2011

    Unfortunately, Anonymous, they're in no order.

    And I'm glad you weren't offended that I tinkered with your artistic vision. :-)

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