Let’s be very clear: when we began closely following Kyle Wellwood’s career, we had no idea it was going to be this interesting.

Well, maybe we did. Even on a slow day, Kyle Wellwood is impossibly interesting, but we genuinely expected the Wellwood’s World feature to be a lame list of stats followed by a botched quote from a Russian interview.

It never quite got to that.

Before long, Wellwood was back to his old tricks, infuriating coaches, losing ice time, and being hockey’s greatest source of pathos. Then suddenly he was released from his contract. Then his wife was pregnant. Then he was signed by St. Louis. Then he wasn’t. Then he was again, and before he could join the Blues, San Jose plucked him off waivers. Seriously, when has Kyle Wellwood ever moved this fast?

That’s right, you heard it here last. Kyle Wellwood is a San Jose Shark. In fact, in a remarkable twist of irony (appropriate for the highly-literate forward), Wellwood will be in the lineup for the Sharks tomorrow night as their third-line center, directly opposed to Manny Malhotra, the guy the Canucks desperately targeted to replace him. So, again: The Canucks let Kyle Wellwood walk in order to sign Manny Malhotra. The Sharks let Manny Malhotra walk and eventually wound up with Kyle Wellwood. Seriously, how bad does GM Doug Wilson look right now?

I’m also happy to report that the Kyle Wellwood quote machine is back in English, meaning we no longer need to get his brilliance translated from Russian before we are moved by it. Here he is, addressing the long-running fat jokes, from Working the Corners:

Wellwood brings with him that reputation for being overweight and out of condition when he reported to the Vancouver Canucks at the start of the 2008-09 season. Yes, that was a problem then, he acknowledges. No, it’s not a problem now.

“When I came to Vancouver, I came off waivers from Toronto and I had three groin surgeries and I had a broken leg over the summer,” he said. “When I got to camp, I wasn’t in good enough shape or like the rest of the guys.

“That was something I fixed and now I’ve been in great shape,” Wellwood continued. “I’ve been under 180 pounds so it’s kind of a running joke — you still get the fat jokes when you’re one of the lightest people in hockey. You just laugh and shake your head.”

Typical Wellwood. I’m not fat. I’m weak. Get it right.

The prodigal son has come home, and now he plays for the other team. This is gonna be awesome.

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15 comments

  1. Anonymous
    January 19, 2011

    Im very interested to see if anything comes of his return to Vancouver. I will be very disappointed if there isn't at least one hilarious sign somewhere in Rogers Arena.

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  2. Marda
    January 19, 2011

    "Seriously, when has Kyle Wellwood ever moved this fast?" Oh how I love him … fat jokes and all. He was such an entertaining part of the #Canucks last year and it's fun to see that we have not completely let him go yet.

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  3. kenny-blankenship
    January 19, 2011

    You know what would be even more interesting? If he lights it up in SJ and ends up scoring more goals than Malholtra this season

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  4. kenny-blankenship
    January 19, 2011

    ^More ironic than interesting really

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  5. Daniel "Skeeter" Wagner
    January 19, 2011

    To reinstate the joy of reading translated Wellwood interviews, here are the quotes from the article translated into Russian and then translated back by Google.

    "When I arrived in Vancouver, I came up with the rejection of Toronto, and I had three groin operations and I broke my leg during the summer," he said. "When I got to camp, I was not in good enough shape, or like all the other guys.

    "It was something I installed and now I was in great shape," Wellwood continued. "I was under 180 pounds so it's kind of a joke – you still get the fat jokes, if you're one of the easiest people in hockey. You just laugh and shake his head."

    That's right, Wellwood was not like the other guys and is one of the easiest people in hockey. Apparently he gets around.

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  6. Anonymous
    January 19, 2011

    I am looking forward to Thursday so much

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  7. Irene Tanga
    January 19, 2011

    I think the only dull time to be a Wellwood fan is when he's injured.
    Fun Russian translation: "picked up Kyle Wellwood from waivers" becomes "took Kyle Vellvuda a draft of failure"

    I'm pretty mad at Russia for being mean to Wellwood though.. “Three games after I got there, we got a new coach (Milos Riha),” Wellwood said. “He told me I wasn’t going to play and he sat me on the bench.”

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  8. Anonymous
    January 19, 2011

    Wellwood out for blood? lets hope so!

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  9. Wisp
    January 19, 2011

    Chapter 9: The Prodigal Son returns?

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  10. zukuss
    January 20, 2011

    My next song will be called "A Draft of Failure."

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  11. J21
    January 20, 2011

    I thought I could substitute a faux sense of nostalgia by running his quotes through Google Translate from English to Russian and back, but linguistic computer technology has so advanced that it really ends up kind of mild:

    Wellwood brings that reputation for being overweight and out of state when he reported to the Vancouver Canucks at the beginning of the 2008-09 season. Yes, it was a problem, he admits. No, this is not a problem now.

    "When I arrived in Vancouver, I came up with the rejection of Toronto, and I had three groin operations and I broke my leg during the summer," he said. "When I got to camp, I was not in good enough shape, or like all the other guys.

    "It was something I installed and now I was in great shape," Wellwood continued. "I was under 180 pounds so it's kind of a joke – you still get the fat jokes, if you're one of the easiest people in hockey. You just laugh and shake his head."

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  12. J21
    January 20, 2011

    Holy crap, Daniel had already done the exact same thing!

    Well, ignore me {mutters something about great minds and thinking alike}.

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  13. Harrison Mooney
    January 20, 2011

    Great minds think alike!

    Holy crap, J21 has already said that?

    *mutters something*

    Holy crap!

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  14. B.O'B.
    January 20, 2011

    a la Yakov Smirnov: "In America you eat hotdogs; in Russia dogs are hot to eat you!!!"

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  15. Rachael
    January 21, 2011

    Ben Kuzma said he asked Wellwood if he was watching the Maple Leafs game when he called him for an interview. "No, I'm watching The Learning Channel" was his reply.

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