Last night, Tanner Glass knocked out Islander forward Matt Martin with a brutal haymaker. It was an impressive punch, and perhaps even moreso for Canuck fans, who are used to Glass holding his own in fights, but rarely winning them outright. According to HockeyFights.com, Glass has fought twenty-five times in a Canucks uniform and seven times this season. Do you remember any of them? Not really. But you’ll remember last night’s, and so will Matt Martin.

So where, exactly, did the Scrabble Champ develop such a mean right hook? PITB is here to tell you: fighting bears. Word is he’s been doing a little bare-knuckle bear boxing on the sly. Well, the secret’s out. Here’s photo evidence that isn’t in any way photoshopped:

 

 






Editor’s note necessitated by hilariously false reports: the header image is also a photoshop. In the
original image, Tanner Glass is reading George Orwell’s 1984. As far as PITB knows, he has never read a book called “How To Fight Bears.

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23 comments

  1. Anonymous
    January 12, 2011

    LMAO

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  2. Sean Zandberg
    January 12, 2011

    Well done Harrison! Wahaha! Love the PS skills!

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  3. Anonymous
    January 12, 2011

    "How to Fight Bears"? What the…?

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  4. Wisp
    January 12, 2011

    In the third picture, it looks as if Glass has reached into the Bear's chest and crushed it's heart. Such ruthlessness.

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  5. kenny-blankenship
    January 13, 2011

    holy cow this is awesome!!!! you should photoshop a thumbs up on the 3rd photo. Like oh yeah? I'm Canadian i fight bears Thumbs up eh!

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  6. Jeremy
    January 13, 2011

    HA HAA HAA…fantastic.

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  7. beninvictoria
    January 13, 2011

    i like that you separated the bears by species. brown bears would only ever co-operate with other brown bears and obviously polars bears only ever fight in twos

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  8. Harrison Mooney
    January 13, 2011

    Damn right, Ben. Polar bears and brown bears don't live anywhere near each other. If there's one thing I stand for, it's realism.

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  9. Anonymous
    January 13, 2011

    I am saving these all… for research, of course. That second-to-last one is a thing of absolute beauty.

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  10. Qris Johnson
    January 13, 2011

    @kenny

    The thumbs up would be funny if it was Desbiens, cause he doesn't know how to make a fist.

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  11. twitchy67
    January 13, 2011

    Geez…and all this time I thought it was only wolverines and dingo's he trained against. New respect for Glass!

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  12. J21
    January 13, 2011

    Hilarious!!

    The book cover looks realistic enough that I went to find the source image to figure out what-the-hell…

    And now seeing the source image — didn't Tanner Glass go to high school before attending Dartmouth?

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  13. Harrison Mooney
    January 13, 2011

    That's funny, J21.

    Incredibly, I'm zeroing in on my Master's in English and I've still never read any Orwell. It's my secret shame.

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  14. Daniel "Skeeter" Wagner
    January 13, 2011

    You should be very ashamed. "1984" is fantastic. But I didn't read it in high school either.

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  15. Anonymous
    January 13, 2011

    So much funny in one post shouldn't be legal.

    (It's a good thing it's the Ursidae kind of bear he's fighting. Colbert Nation needs a man like him.)

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  16. Rachael
    January 13, 2011

    I think the kind of lip pulling going on in that fourth photo shouldn't be allowed in bear fights.

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  17. Beantown Canuck
    January 13, 2011

    Excellent work again, as is to be expected at PITB.

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  18. Anonymous
    January 13, 2011

    Not to hijack a thread but Orwell is best read outside of high school.

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  19. Elliot
    January 13, 2011

    Actually, I remember him making very quick work of Luke Schenn early last season. That was a good one.

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  20. Yogi
    January 13, 2011

    I hope there were "3rd Bear in" penalties assessed!

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  21. ryan
    January 13, 2011

    harrison, read this and you've read eric arthur blair.

    http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/everythingsanargument4e/content/cat_020/Orwell_Shooting.pdf

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  22. Andrew
    February 14, 2011

    Tanner could teach Colbert a thing or two.

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  23. Anonymous
    March 6, 2011

    He could be re-reading it.

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