Last night, Tanner Glass knocked out Islander forward Matt Martin with a brutal haymaker. It was an impressive punch, and perhaps even moreso for Canuck fans, who are used to Glass holding his own in fights, but rarely winning them outright. According to HockeyFights.com, Glass has fought twenty-five times in a Canucks uniform and seven times this season. Do you remember any of them? Not really. But you’ll remember last night’s, and so will Matt Martin.
So where, exactly, did the Scrabble Champ develop such a mean right hook? PITB is here to tell you: fighting bears. Word is he’s been doing a little bare-knuckle bear boxing on the sly. Well, the secret’s out. Here’s photo evidence that isn’t in any way photoshopped:
Editor’s note necessitated by hilariously false reports: the header image is also a photoshop. In the original image, Tanner Glass is reading George Orwell’s 1984. As far as PITB knows, he has never read a book called “How To Fight Bears.“
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Anonymous
January 12, 2011LMAO
Sean Zandberg
January 12, 2011Well done Harrison! Wahaha! Love the PS skills!
Anonymous
January 12, 2011"How to Fight Bears"? What the…?
Wisp
January 12, 2011In the third picture, it looks as if Glass has reached into the Bear's chest and crushed it's heart. Such ruthlessness.
kenny-blankenship
January 13, 2011holy cow this is awesome!!!! you should photoshop a thumbs up on the 3rd photo. Like oh yeah? I'm Canadian i fight bears Thumbs up eh!
Jeremy
January 13, 2011HA HAA HAA…fantastic.
beninvictoria
January 13, 2011i like that you separated the bears by species. brown bears would only ever co-operate with other brown bears and obviously polars bears only ever fight in twos
Harrison Mooney
January 13, 2011Damn right, Ben. Polar bears and brown bears don't live anywhere near each other. If there's one thing I stand for, it's realism.
Anonymous
January 13, 2011I am saving these all… for research, of course. That second-to-last one is a thing of absolute beauty.
Qris Johnson
January 13, 2011@kenny
The thumbs up would be funny if it was Desbiens, cause he doesn't know how to make a fist.
twitchy67
January 13, 2011Geez…and all this time I thought it was only wolverines and dingo's he trained against. New respect for Glass!
J21
January 13, 2011Hilarious!!
The book cover looks realistic enough that I went to find the source image to figure out what-the-hell…
And now seeing the source image — didn't Tanner Glass go to high school before attending Dartmouth?
Harrison Mooney
January 13, 2011That's funny, J21.
Incredibly, I'm zeroing in on my Master's in English and I've still never read any Orwell. It's my secret shame.
Daniel "Skeeter" Wagner
January 13, 2011You should be very ashamed. "1984" is fantastic. But I didn't read it in high school either.
Anonymous
January 13, 2011So much funny in one post shouldn't be legal.
(It's a good thing it's the Ursidae kind of bear he's fighting. Colbert Nation needs a man like him.)
Rachael
January 13, 2011I think the kind of lip pulling going on in that fourth photo shouldn't be allowed in bear fights.
Beantown Canuck
January 13, 2011Excellent work again, as is to be expected at PITB.
Anonymous
January 13, 2011Not to hijack a thread but Orwell is best read outside of high school.
Elliot
January 13, 2011Actually, I remember him making very quick work of Luke Schenn early last season. That was a good one.
Yogi
January 13, 2011I hope there were "3rd Bear in" penalties assessed!
ryan
January 13, 2011harrison, read this and you've read eric arthur blair.
http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/everythingsanargument4e/content/cat_020/Orwell_Shooting.pdf
Andrew
February 14, 2011Tanner could teach Colbert a thing or two.
Anonymous
March 6, 2011He could be re-reading it.