At the urging of an anonymous commenter, I have written this essay, which will convincingly detail the reasons that Gary Bettman is a Man-Toad. Reason #1: just look. I rest my [exceedingly strong] case.
After a win over the Detroit Red Wings, the Canucks are sitting in second in the Pacific and boast the division's best goal differential. That said, a big part of that goal differential comes from the Canucks' league-leading 10 empty net goals. […]